This is NPR's Life Kit. I'm Lauren McGaki.

It's the thing on? I'd like to propose a toast.

It's the wild card of every event. No matter how perfectly a person has orchestrated it,

the toast is that one live element that threatens to derail everything.

It happened to stand-up comedian Atsko Okatska.

It was at my wedding, and my father-in-law, who is a televangelist preacher, and he preaches at

this mega-church, came up to speak, and then he suddenly goes, I see there's a big Asian contingency here.

And then it went quiet because people were like, why did you bring race up out of nowhere?

He's reading the room, but in the wrong way. He just saw the room and just said what he saw.

It's like a kid when they're playing like, I spy, you know, a spider.

I spy a door.

I spy the sky.

That's what he did.

I spy Asians, you know.

And then he, to try to save himself, he went, and I love the Asians.

Fortunately for Otzko, the speech stayed in the territory of racially awkward and not outright racist, but it's still the thing everyone remembers from their wedding.

And there are lots of stories like this. Maybe it's the bridesmaid who treated the toast like a roast and insulted the groom's weight and appearance.

And it doesn't just have to be a wedding toast. It could be the retirement party where a

colleague gives a 45-minute speech detailing every moment of their friend's career while the

champagne bubbles go flat. Or, of course, there's the classic drunk speech that could pop up at any

event. Rambly, incoherent,

a little embarrassing for everyone involved. There are so many ways a toast can go wrong. And so

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