How to Give Feedback Without Triggering Defensiveness — Backed by Science

Negotiate Anything

American Negotiation Institute

Education, Careers, Business

4.8 • 659 Ratings

🗓️ 7 June 2025

⏱️ 33 minutes

🔗️ Recording | iTunes | RSS

🧾️ Download transcript

Summary

Most feedback fails not because it’s wrong — but because it triggers defensiveness. ⁠Buy the book Let's Talk: Make Effective Feedback Your Superpower by Therese Huston⁠ In this episode, cognitive scientist and author Therese Huston joins Kwame Christian to reveal the brain science behind effective, non-threatening feedback. You’ll learn why even well-meaning feedback can backfire, how to prevent emotional resistance before it starts, and what most managers get completely wrong when delivering hard truths. Whether you're a leader avoiding uncomfortable conversations or someone who wants to build a culture of trust, this episode gives you practical, research-backed tools to speak up without sparking conflict. Discover the subtle shifts — from leading with listening to stating your intentions — that make feedback land with clarity and care. 🔍 You’ll learn: Why your brain sees feedback as a threat — and how to override it The “Jedi” feedback move that instantly lowers defenses What to say before criticism to avoid sounding like an enemy Why silence makes things worse — and how to break it safely Connect with Dr. Therese Huston ⁠theresehuston.com⁠ ⁠Buy the Book - Sharp - 14 Simple Ways to Improve Your Life with Brain Science⁠ ⁠Follow Therese on LinkedIn⁠ Contact ANI ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠Request A Customized Workshop For Your Company⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠Follow Kwame Christian on LinkedIn⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ ⁠⁠negotiateanything.com⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠Click here to buy your copy of Finding Confidence in Conflict: How to Negotiate Anything and Live Your Best Life!

Transcript

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0:00.0	AI moves fast and the path forward isn't always clear. Cisco gives you the infrastructure,
0:05.9	security, and insights to save the course. Cisco, making AI work for you. Visit Cisco.com
0:12.7	slash AI.
0:16.2	Hey, I'm Kwami Christian and you are about to step into the world of Negotiate Anything,
0:21.5	the number one negotiation podcast in the world where we teach you how to make difficult
0:26.3	conversations easier while getting more of what you want in the process.
0:30.1	Each episode is packed with practical tips and strategies from the experts.
0:34.5	We delve into negotiation, conflict resolution, and leadership skills that are
0:39.1	crucial in both business and in life. Whether you're closing a deal, managing a team,
0:44.4	or navigating personal relationships, negotiate anything provides you with the tools you need to
0:49.8	succeed. Our conversations are real, relatable, and most importantly, rooted in practicality. So if you're
0:56.9	ready to transform your conversations and elevate your negotiation skills, join me on Negotiate Anything.
1:03.4	Subscribe and listen on Apple Podcasts, Spotify, or wherever you love to listen. Let's make every
1:09.1	conversation a winning negotiation.
1:13.9	Terese, thanks for joining us today. Thanks, Kwame. It's so good to be here. Yes, it's great having
1:19.2	you. So how would you get it started by telling us a little bit about yourself and what you do?
1:23.4	Sure. I'm a cognitive scientist at Seattle University and I try to help smart people be smarter at work. It's that simple. And what that means in terms of my actual, the ways that I do that, I give talks, I write books, I do consulting. I'm basically trying to take smart research and turn it into great practice. And people are hungry for what is better practice and what does the research have to say. And I try to package that in a way that people can really use at work. That's fantastic. And I respect that because my undergrad degree is in psych. And I can get really lost in the studies. And then afterwards I say, well, what do I do with this?
2:02.8	And so it's great to see that you're actually taking that literature
2:05.7	and turning it into practical advice that people can put into use.
2:10.0	Yeah, I'm with you.
2:11.6	It's fun to read, but then you step away and you forget the studies
2:14.4	because you can't actually make it actionable.
	...

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