How to Forgive Yourself

Being Well with Forrest Hanson and Dr. Rick Hanson

Being Well

Education, Self-improvement, Health & Fitness, Mental Health

4.8 • 2.7K Ratings

🗓️ 24 October 2022

⏱️ 60 minutes

🔗️ Recording | iTunes | RSS

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Summary

We all make mistakes in life. When we do it's important to take appropriate responsibility, feel the "wince," and make amends as we can. But after we've done that...then what? Many people find it easier to forgive others than they do to truly forgive themselves, and it's not uncommon to be burdened by excessive shame and guilt that has outlived its expiration date. On this episode Dr. Rick and Forrest explore forgiveness, including how we can forgive ourselves. This includes common myths and misunderstandings about forgiveness, the difference between healthy and unhealthy forms of shame and remorse, coming to terms with what we've done, and a roadmap to achieving (self-)forgiveness. Key Topics: 0:00: Introduction 2:05: Assumptions, approval, and what forgiveness is and is not 7:45: What does healthy remorse look like? 10:00: Forrest exploring a dream about appropriate remorse 13:00: Our internalized justice system 17:00: More on dreams and internal parts 24:25: Aspects of unhealthy remorse 27:30: How to move through a recurring cycle of shame and unhealthy remorse 32:30: Proportionality, defensiveness, intention, and owning your mistakes 41:00: Clean pain and dirty pain 46:55: Some concrete practices 51:40: Recap Support the Podcast: We're on Patreon! For just the cost of a cup of coffee a month you can support the show, and receive a variety of bonuses in return. Sponsors: Listen to Season 2 of Turning Points from Boston Globe Media wherever you get your podcasts! Access over 30 at-home lab tests from Everlywell, and head to everlywell.com/beingwell for twenty percent off your next test. Join over a million people using BetterHelp, the world’s largest online counseling platform. Visit betterhelp.com/beingwell for 10% off your first month! Want to sleep better? Try the Calm app! Visit calm.com/beingwell for 40% off a premium subscription. Connect with the show: Subscribe on iTunes Follow Forrest on YouTube Follow us on Instagram Follow Forrest on Instagram Follow Rick on Facebook Follow Forrest on Facebook Visit Forrest's website Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Transcript

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0:00.0	Hey everyone, welcome to Being Well, I'm Forest Hanson.
0:10.6	If you're new to the podcast, thanks for joining us today, and if you've listened before,
0:14.3	welcome back.
0:15.5	I'm joined today as usual by Dr. Rick Hanson, Rick is a clinical psychologist, best
0:20.3	selling author, and he's also my dad, so dad, how are you doing today?
0:23.8	I'm really good, and I'm looking forward to this topic, which, for me, has brought
0:28.3	both a lot of anguish and a lot of healing, and I think it could well be true for others,
0:33.4	too.
0:34.4	Totally.
0:35.4	Very much the same for me.
0:36.4	Today, we're going to be focusing on something that I think, as you said, is just one of
0:39.1	the hardest things for people, and one of the things that people struggle with the most,
0:43.6	and that's forgiving ourselves.
0:45.6	Because we all make mistakes in life, I've definitely messed up.
0:48.6	I'm sure you have to, from time to time, dad.
0:50.8	I've been around for one or two of them, but just one or two of them.
0:54.2	Folks, we should multiply that number by at least 100, if not another order of magnitude,
1:00.4	but okay.
1:01.4	Yeah, for sure.
1:02.4	Totally the same.
1:03.4	I've also done things that, frankly, I'm not super proud of, particularly with the benefit
1:07.6	of hindsight, and for really understandable reasons, there is just a ton of material
	...

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