How To Find Belonging When You Feel Like an Outsider with Vir Das

The One You Feed | Personal Growth, Emotional Resilience & Purpose

Eric Zimmer, The One You Feed

Buddhism, Mental Health, Education, Self-improvement, Health & Fitness, Religion & Spirituality

4.5 • 2.7K Ratings

🗓️ 1 May 2026

⏱️ 53 minutes

🔗️ Recording | iTunes | RSS

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Summary

In this episode, comedian Vir Das explores how to find belonging when you feel like an outsider. He shares details about his multicultural upbringing across India, Nigeria, and the United States, and his lifelong feeling of never quite fitting in. Vir also discusses his memoir The Outsider, his Netflix specials, and how exhaustion with pretending led him to embrace authenticity, and explores themes of friendship, grief, the healing power of laughter, and the difference between sympathy and empathy. Vir also reflects on balancing ambition with appreciation while staying true to his voice. Exciting News!! My new book, ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠How a Little Becomes a Lot: The Art of Small Changes for a More Meaningful Life, is now available!!⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ Key Takeaways: Multicultural upbringing and its impact on identity Experiences of feeling like an outsider in various cultures The journey from Bollywood to Hollywood in comedy and acting Insights from the memoir “The Outsider: A Memoir for Misfits” The balance between ambition and appreciation in personal and professional life The importance of authentic self-expression in comedy The role of humor as a tool for connection and survival The complexity of empathy versus sympathy in relationships The challenges of owning one’s voice and being true to oneself The significance of deep friendships and shared experiences in building connections For full show notes:⁠⁠ ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠click here⁠⁠⁠!⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ If you enjoyed this conversation with Vir Das, check out these other episodes: Yes, Thank You: Practicing Non-Resistance with Pete Holmes A Soul Boom Discussion on Mental Health, Spirituality, and Connection with Rainn Wilson By purchasing products and/or services from our sponsors, you are helping to support The One You Feed, and we greatly appreciate it. Thank you! This episode is sponsored by: ⁠Aura Frames⁠: Named #1 by Wirecutter, you can save on the gifts moms love by visiting AuraFrames.com. For a limited time, listeners can get 25 dollars off their best-selling Carver Mat frame with code FEED. Support the show by mentioning us at checkout! ⁠Shopify⁠ – The commerce platform that helps you build, grow, and manage your business all in one place. Start your $1/month trial at ⁠shopify.com/feed.⁠ ⁠David Protein⁠ bars deliver up to 28g of protein for just 150 calories—without sacrificing taste! For a limited time, our listeners can receive this special deal: buy 4 cartons and get the 5th free when you go to ⁠www.davidprotein.com/FEED⁠ ⁠⁠⁠Alma⁠⁠⁠ has a directory of 20,000 therapists with different specialities, life experiences, and identities, and 99% of them take insurance. Visit ⁠⁠⁠helloalma.com⁠⁠⁠ to learn more! ⁠⁠⁠Brodo Broth⁠⁠⁠: Shop the best broth on the planet with Brodo. Head to ⁠⁠⁠Brodo.com/TOYF⁠⁠⁠ for 20% off your first subscription order and use code TOYF for an additional $10 off. ⁠⁠⁠Quince:⁠⁠⁠ Refresh your wardrobe with Quince by going to ⁠⁠⁠Quince.com/feed⁠⁠⁠ for free shipping and 365-day returns. Now available in Canada, too. ⁠⁠⁠Rocket Money⁠⁠⁠ Let Rocket Money help you reach your financial goals faster. Join at ⁠⁠⁠rocketmoney.com/feed⁠⁠⁠. ⁠⁠⁠Pebl⁠⁠⁠ – an AI-powered platform that helps companies hire and manage global teams in 185+ countries. Get a free estimate at ⁠⁠⁠hipebl.ai⁠⁠⁠ ⁠⁠⁠Hello Fresh⁠⁠⁠ – Get 10 free meals + a FREE Zwilling Knife (a $144.99 value) on your third box. Offer valid while supplies last. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Transcript

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0:00.0	early on in your career or at least in your life, you're like, what do people want to hear?
0:03.9	You know, and can I meander between what people want to hear and ever so slightly pivot into what I want to say?
0:10.2	And then you get to this point and you're like, hey, maybe I'll just say everything I want to say and find out if people want to hear it.
0:17.5	And maybe they won't, by the way.
0:19.2	But can I just say everything that's inside me for once?
0:29.9	Welcome to the one you feed. Throughout time, great thinkers have recognized the importance
0:34.9	of the thoughts we have. Quotes like garbage in, garbage out,
0:39.1	or you are what you think, ring true. And yet, for many of us, our thoughts don't strengthen
0:44.9	or empower us. We tend toward negativity, self-pity, jealousy, or fear. We see what we don't have
0:52.5	instead of what we do. We think things that hold us back
0:55.6	and dampen our spirit. But it's not just about thinking. Our actions matter. It takes conscious,
1:02.1	consistent, and creative effort to make a life worth living. This podcast is about how other people
1:07.8	keep themselves moving in the right direction, how they feed their good wolf.
1:14.2	There's a way of moving through life where we're always looking at what's next, the next idea, the next project, the next version of yourself.
1:22.8	I know that mode really well. And in this conversation, Veerdas, comedian and author of The Outsider,
1:29.3	talks about how hard it is to actually stop and recognize what you've already done.
1:34.3	At one point, someone told him he needed to celebrate something he accomplished five years ago,
1:39.3	because he never did. And that really makes sense to me. We talk about that tension between ambition and appreciation,
1:45.9	what it's like to live with a mind that keeps generating ideas whether you want it to or not,
1:51.0	and how easy it is to miss your own life while you're building it. I'm Eric Zimmer, and this is the
1:57.0	one you feed. Selling your car can be super simple. If you choose We Buy Any Car instead of a confusing part exchange,
2:04.6	because with We Buy Any Car, you'll have cash in a bank for more bargaining power on your next car.
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