How to Feel More Understood, Valued and Secure in Your Relationships with Alain de Botton #574

Feel Better, Live More with Dr Rangan Chatterjee

Dr Rangan Chatterjee

Health & Fitness, Medicine, Alternative Health, Mental Health

4.8 • 10.9K Ratings

🗓️ 2 September 2025

⏱️ 127 minutes

🔗️ Recording | iTunes | RSS

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Summary

We live in a culture that often celebrates the ‘perfect’ relationship but does little to prepare us for the reality of long-term commitment. Modern life is filled with idealised images of love and marriage – but the truth, as this week’s returning guest suggests, is far more human, messy and ultimately hopeful. I’m delighted to welcome Alain de Botton back to the podcast. Alain is an author, internationally acclaimed philosopher and founder of The School of Life, a hugely popular education and wellness organisation that provides guidance on how to achieve happiness and fulfilment. His latest book, ‘From Trauma to Healing: How to Locate, Process and Recover From Psychological Wounds’ helps us understand what trauma is, how it affects us and what we can do about it. During this incredible conversation, we discuss: Why the idea that we will “marry the right person” sets us up for disappointment How our childhood experiences shape who we’re drawn to as adults The hidden cost of perfectionism in relationships The cultural myths about soulmates, instant understanding and effortless romance, and how these ideas can undermine lasting love How unprocessed trauma can resurface in our closest relationships, and why learning to communicate our needs is an essential skill The surprising role that distance, independence and time apart can play in sustaining desire and intimacy There’s something deeply reassuring in knowing that love doesn’t have to look like the stories we grew up with. And by letting go of these cultural myths and by embracing each other’s flaws, we improve not only our relationships, but also how happy and contented we feel. I hope you enjoy listening. Support the podcast and enjoy Ad-Free episodes. Try FREE for 7 days on Apple Podcasts https://apple.co/feelbetterlivemore. For other podcast platforms go to https://fblm.supercast.com. Thanks to our sponsors: https://drinkag1.com/livemore https://calm.com/livemore https://join.whoop.com/livemore http://www.vivobarefoot.com/livemore Show notes https://drchatterjee.com/574 DISCLAIMER: The content in the podcast and on this webpage is not intended to be a substitute for professional medical advice, diagnosis, or treatment. Always seek the advice of your doctor or qualified healthcare provider. Never disregard professional medical advice or delay in seeking it because of something you have heard on the podcast or on my website.

Transcript

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0:00.0	We have this language of red flags.
0:03.0	If there's a problem, the relationship is toxic, if there's a problem with somebody, it's a red flag.
0:07.0	And if there's a red flag, you just jump out. You immediately jump out.
0:11.0	And obviously there are behaviours that no one would want to condone and that are genuinely problematic.
0:16.0	But I think there is also an excessive version of this.
0:19.0	I mean, if you really have to eradicate from your life, everyone who shows any form of problematic behavior of any kind, you'll have a very easy
0:25.7	life, but you also have a very lonely life. Hey guys, how you doing? I hope you having a good
0:30.6	wheat so far. My name is Dr. Ronggan Chatterjee, and this is my podcast, Feel Better, Live More.
0:40.5	Hello, how are you? I hope you guys are well and that you have managed to enjoy some
0:47.0	relaxation time over the summer. I also hope you've had a chance to dip into the back
0:52.3	catalogue and listen to some of the older episodes.
0:56.0	But now I am back with a brand new season of my podcast and I have some incredible guests lined up for you,
1:05.0	starting this week with one of your favorites.
1:09.0	Alan de Botton is an author, internationally acclaimed philosopher and founder of the School of your favorites. Alan de Botton is an author,
1:12.7	internationally acclaimed philosopher and founder of the School of Life,
1:15.6	a hugely popular education and wellness organization
1:19.3	that provides guidance on how to achieve happiness and fulfillment.
1:24.9	His latest book, From Trauma to Healing,
1:30.0	How to Locate, Process and and Recover from Psychological Wounds, Helps Us Understand What Trauma Is, How It Effects
1:36.9	Us, and What We Can Do About It. Of course, one of the things that trauma can impact is
1:43.3	our relationships, and relationships are one of the core themes in today's conversation.
1:49.9	As I wrote in my second book, The Stress Solution, Good Quality Relationships can help soothe and alleviate a lot of the stress in our lives.
	...

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