It's estimated that we will spend close to 19.6 billion dollars on Valentine's Day. About 250 million roses are sold and approximately 6 million people were proposed on this very romantic day. And yet, despite the fact that we all love to love, we still find ourselves within a proximate 50% divorce rate. And that's just data on people that choose to break up. Let's not forget the couples that are living in quite desperation, or the couples that are suffering from bed death, or the couples that agree to stay together out of convenience. So today I wanted to do a different kind of show. I wanted to show that long-lasting love does and can exist. But if you're looking for a quick relationship fixed, then this episode isn't for you. But if you actually want to sustain a long-lasting, happy relationship, and you're willing to be vulnerable and do the work, then guys lean in. Because we're about to go deep into the nobious ways we can actually get what we want. Okay, so I've been married for 16 years, and what I've learned is that love isn't a game of monopoly. There's no past go and collect $200, it's not easy, you don't just roll a dice to see where you end up, it will take work. Hard work. Now, I believe there are two fundamental things that we must address in this episode in order to make that dream relationship a reality. The first one, the very first one, before you do anything else, is you need to work on yourself. You can't bring negativity, low self-esteem and insecurities into a relationship and expect the other person to fix you. Okay, now once you've put in the self-work, then you move on to the second part of the equation. Once you found a partner, I believe in all of you to really understand each other and grow together. You must be willing to communicate. You must be willing to open yourself up to being vulnerable. You must be willing to give, to receive and to compromise, all while still being you. And so today's guests have incredible insights on how to actually do both of those things. So first up, I'd like to introduce to you the amazing Steph Popoura. At the age of eight, she was sexually abused by an older neighbor, her kid, who threatened her life if she ever told her so what happened. Being told and believing it was her fault, she spent her entire childhood blaming herself for everything that went wrong. From her parents divorced her father's abandonment to believe me to cutting herself, she felt worthless. And so she bounced from one abusive relationship to another. How could someone love her if she didn't even love herself? How could someone value her if she didn't even value herself? It all just became a perfect storm that eventually turned into a tornado. Feeling lost and alone, she finally just had enough. She climbed into a motel bathtub. She took some rope, tied it around her neck, and dropped her legs. But the next morning, she came too, and the rope was untangled. Shaken and confused, she asked herself the defining and most fundamental question of her life. Should she give death another shot? Or should she give life another shot? Well, over 15 years later, this incredible woman has put in the work, changed her perception of herself, and as a result, not only met the man of the dreams and built a family of five, but she's also co-founder of Powerful You with her husband, an incredible company where they both get to encourage others to see the power they have within themselves. Yes, it's safe to say this woman understands the importance of self-work and self-worth in a relationship. Okay, I'd also like to introduce you to the woman of impact alumni, the amazing and just overall special human Emily Morse, who you may know as sex with Emily. With a doctor in human sexuality, Emily is a sex and relationship expert who shares her wisdom on her daily podcast and series XM Radio Show, Sex with Emily. She's been named as one of Esquires and Starl Castors top sex and love podcasters. She's been voted as the number one dating and sex expert to follow on Twitter. She's an author, contributes to the Cosmo

with appearances on the today's show,

the doctor's NBC, CBS, and ABC to name a few.

Yes, it's safe to say this badass woman right here

knows a thing or two about relationships.

So guys, please welcome to a very special edition

of Women of Impact.

All right, so we've got a lot to talk about girls and I think we need to start from square one, which is how I said in the intro is I think we as women need to work on ourselves first. In fact, not even women. I think people in order to have a successful relationship really need to work on ourselves because we bring in so much past into our current relationship, things that happen in our childhood, bad relationships. We can't help but bring them into our new ones. And I think that that's our first fundamental mistake. So I'd like to start with you Steph, you have a quote which just really hit me. You said, don't let the fear of being alone be greater than your own self respect. Love yourself enough to walk away from an unhealthy relationship. So let's talk about that step one. How did you come to that conclusion, especially based on everything you have gone through in your past? I think your past always dictates your future. And I got to a point where I sat down and said, I've had enough and I don't want to be lonely and I don't want to be sad and I don't want to hate myself anymore. But I don't want to be with all these terrible people and to try to like define myself worse. I had to find that in myself and realize I was good enough to find somebody that would treat me amazing. Because initially did you find that you were looking for that self-worth from somebody else? Absolutely. I wanted someone that loved me so bad. My parents divorced when I was nine years old and my dad didn't want to be a dad anymore. He left. So if the one person who's supposed to love you on the entire planet more than anyone else, leaves, what does that tell you? I always believed I wasn't worthy of love because I couldn't get it from him anymore. And it shattered me because I was a true daddy's girl. I loved my dad. I wanted to be with him. I wanted to go everywhere with him. So when he left, it was like I was trying to seek validation and have someone just love me. I wanted to be loved by a guy because I didn't have that. And so I just saw it out, shitty relationships, because that's what I thought I deserved. Do you find that a lot, Emily, and the people that you talk to? Yeah, you know, it's funny because we are all destined to repeat things from our past. Like childhood, you know, our parents relationships. I mean, I feel like in a way rather than fighting it, it'd be so great if people understood that we're all gonna have issues to work on. So I would like hang on to people that felt familiar,

like I was so afraid of abandonment

that I would shut down and I had to learn that after time, you keep doing it, you check in and you go, you know what, this is no longer serving me and then you stop and then that's when you keep doing the work. And I think it is a lifelong process. So yes, I find it all the time You gotta do the work, hopefully, if you have those kind of insights.

So yeah, it's very common.

Yeah, that we repeat these things and then we gotta learn.

Now, I find fascinating and really impactful, except for about your stories, man, you hit me rock bottom, like let that's what I couldn't even think of anything more rock bottom than that. So if you don't mind just taking us through quickly that that scenario, how you felt about yourself and what that transition was in your mindset to then pick yourself back up metaphorically and actually physically and then start to shift your mindset of what your worth is. So I don't know how I survived it to begin with. I have no idea to this day why I'm here. I woke up and I was really confused and I ended up getting in my car and driving to my mom's house and it was very clear that I had something happened. My neck was had bruises and cuts across my neck, so I had to tell my mom what had happened. And I told her and she's looked at me and she's like, you have a purpose and you need to find out what it is. And that really made me think, because at that point I was like, I still don't want to be here. No one loves me. I don't want to be here. And so I just kept living life, living life, and I kind of started dating people that weren't scary, but weren't safe. And I woke up one day and said, this is bullshit. Was it literally just like one day? One day I woke up and I said, I'm done. I don't wanna be this person anymore. I hate hating myself. I am with the most terrible people. Why am I doing this to myself? If you have a choice, choose differently. So I just had to choose differently. I started writing and writing about what I wanted in my life and what I wanted in a mate and how I how to be happy. And so I set on on this journey and I was for the first time in my life I was fine being alone. I was like I'm going to be alone no matter what even if somebody I think is attractive comes along if they're not worthy of my love, I'm going to be alone, no matter what. Even if somebody I think is attractive comes along, if they're not worthy of my love, I'm not going to give it. So I truly just didn't want to date. So I met my husband and instantly he was like, let's be vulnerable and let's tell each other everything. And I put the walls up because I was so terrified. And he would talk me into putting the walls outside kind of peak over the wall a little bit. And he was the first person I told about being molested and everything. I finally just let him in. And we both were just broken, sad people. And we just wanted more far lives. We wanted to be happy. We wanted to document our journey. We wanted to be more and have more and do more and just do great in the world and just have the most incredible marriage. Yeah. And we really do. We've been together for 15 years. It's amazing. Yeah, I mean, do you have come from what you've had to endure

and then be able to change and adapt and grow as a human

to be able to bring the best part of you

to the relationship is amazing?

And I think that that's what's so hard for people, right?

Is that they start from a place of not feeling worthy

to be loved or they start from a place of,

you know, I mean, let's, in fact, let's talk about being the victim, right? Because initially you get people that are always like, why do I always find the one guy? And I bet you hear this all the time. Yeah, I mean, it's like, I mean, here's the thing that's why I said eventually, like, you're 50% of the equation. So if you can find the wrong person, guess what the one constant is. It's like you you keep showing up right?

There is this notion to like you're 50% of the equation. So if you can find in the wrong person, guess what the one constant is.

It's like you, you keep showing up, right? There is this notion society that we, in our culture, that we have to find someone to complete us, that we are not complete until we find someone else. And so it's like, oh, I found my other half. And I think that is so wrong that we need to be our whole selves before we could truly attract who we want,

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