Hi, you're listening to Small Things Often from the Gottman Institute, where we talk you through

research-based tips to help improve your relationships in five minutes or less.

Today's tip is about being more attentive. Distractions are a part of life, right? There's probably

distractions all around you right now at this very second while you're listening to this podcast. Are you staring at a pile of laundry or someone texting you? Whatever it is, distractions will always be there and could creep into your relationships. But there are ways to manage these distractions so you can be more

present. Whether it's your partner or your child, they probably know when you're distracted,

just like it's usually so easy to spot. Like you know when someone is nodding and smiling,

but you can tell something else is on their mind. They don't ask follow-up questions,

and they end the conversation with something generic to make it seem like they're paying attention,

when they're absolutely not. But you're probably extra aware when the important people in your

life aren't paying attention to your physical or emotional needs, and vice versa.

Let's say your partner just had a really amazing

chat with their boss and couldn't wait to tell you about it. And while they're talking and looking

for some kind of reaction from you, you're just on your phone, nodding along as you hear words

coming out of their mouth. But you're too preoccupied with something else to

completely understand your partner's story. They don't feel heard, and your ears only perk up as they say,

Did you hear a word that I just said? So how do you change this? Make an effort to be intentionally

attentive. Focus on creating time where you're 100% undistracted so you can

fully engage with those that you love. Try setting aside an hour at home with your kids or with

your partner, or both, where no phones or screens are allowed and do something fun. And remember

to pay attention to their bids. That could be any

kind of request to connect, like an expression or question, or something physical. Like if your

partner says, do you want to talk about our plans this weekend? Or it could be a loving squeeze,

...