This is NPR's Life Kit.

I'm Megan Cain, I'm the managing producer of Life Kit, and I'm also single.

Which feels weird to say on a podcast, but it's true.

I've dated plenty, had relationships, but most of my adult life I've been single.

There are times that I really love it.

I love that I get to decide exactly what I want to eat every night.

That I painted my bedroom a dreamy mint green and didn't need to consult anyone about

it.

That I can spend a Saturday afternoon in complete peace reading a book next to my doxan

margo.

But other times, I feel exhausted.

Exhausted by dating, exhausted that I am the sole decider in my life.

And I'm a little embarrassed to say this.

I'm exhausted by the idea that I just might be happier if I was in a relationship.

Many people, especially people that are single and are trying to find a partner, have this

idea that once they meet their person, their happiness will be that much greater.

That's Jenny Tates.

She's a clinical psychologist and author of the book, How to Be Single and Happy.

Jenny says that this anticipation, that you'll be so much happier if you get this one thing,

it actually makes you unhappier.

And also sets you out for unrealistic expectations and does not increase your sense of hope for

this moment.

...