The more amped up we are in coming at somebody, what we're actually doing is we're reducing

their IQ points because their brain's being flooded with cortisol and a bunch of adrenaline,

and we're making the higher centers of their brain, like judgment and reason, reasoning and

problem solving and all that. We're diminishing those as long as we're

putting them into a defensive mode.

Right.

What we want to do is with a lot of empathy and understanding and listening, we want to make

them relax enough where we can also speak the truth and have a possibility of that being considered.

But nobody's listen to you if you're punching.

I'm so excited to have Dr. Henry Cloud with us again on takeaways.

Dr. Cloud is a clinical psychologist and he's a best-selling author.

Today, he's going to guide us through a

really helpful topic, how to have a difficult conversation. Dr. Cloud, thanks for coming back and

hanging out with us on table. It's good of here. Now, we're not going to have a difficult

conversation. No, no, no. This is the easy conversation about a difficult conversation.

And I love that you titled it that way, because we all have

one that we're avoiding. A difficult talk with somebody that we care about, and we don't want to

ruin the relationship. Why is it so hard to have difficult conversation? What makes them difficult?

Well, I mean, it's basically, it's a formula, really. You know, the research on this,

I can't remember who came over this for the first time, but we're having a difficult

conversation when three things are present. One is that the stakes are high. In other words,

what we're talking about really matters. Yeah. Like, it's not just the weather, right? Secondly,

...