Hi, you're listening to Small Things Often from the Gottman Institute, where we talk you through research-based tips to help improve your relationships in five minutes or less.

Today's tip is about curbing your expectations in your relationship.

Maybe you once thought that if you lower your expectations, you won't be disappointed by your partner.

Or on the flip side, if you had high expectations, everything in your relationship would be perfect.

But neither of those expectations are realistic. Instead, shoot for a good enough relationship.

That might sound like you're settling for less than best, but it's really not. And a good enough relationship. That might sound like you're settling for less than best, but it's really

not. In a good enough relationship, you have high expectations for how you're treated. You expect

your partner to treat you with kindness, love, affection, and respect. You expect your partner to

treasure you and value your feelings and who you are. You expect them to be

loyal and to stand by your side. You absolutely do not tolerate emotional or physical abuse.

A good enough relationship isn't sunshine and butterflies all the time, though. You'll still have

disagreements with your partner, because, well, that's real life.

Every couple argues, and actually conflict is healthy because it leads to a greater understanding.

Just don't expect to solve all of your relationship problems. A good amount of conflict is perpetual,

meaning there are some things that you and your partner will rehash over and over again, without progress.

Maybe your partner likes to spend Friday nights with you out of the house.

They want to go for a long walk or grab a pizza.

And all you want to do is melt into the couch because you're absolutely exhausted.

Neither of you can agree, but you can manage conflict constructively. You can come to a mutual

understanding and figure out a compromise that works for both of you. That could mean melting

into the couch together this Friday and going out for pizza next Friday.

And when things get tough, when difficult emotions bubble up, you can repair the situation when you

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