Lights that spark fire nation JLD here and welcome to Entrepreneurs on Fire brought to you by the HubSpot podcast network with great shows like Success Story podcast.

Today we'll be breaking down how to create the kind of love in your relationship that makes your friends wonder what is your secret sauce to drop these value bombs.

I brought John David Mann and Anna Gabriel man into EO fire studios. John is a New York Times bestselling author of 30 plus books. Anna is a celebrated educator in therapists who leads the GoGiver Marist coaches training program.

And today for our nation we'll talk about the mindsets of lasting love. We'll talk about throwing out the scorecard and the importance of giving and then the most important of the five secrets to lasting love and so much more when we get back from thinking hours.

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Anna say what's up to fire nation and share something that you believe about becoming successful that most people disagree with.

I think that one of my beliefs about success is about slowing down and taking time for what I call recreation and you know some people call it recreation for me it's recreation because I believe that when we take the time to get out in nature or to do a 10 minute meditation guided meditation or to spend

time really analyzing thinking and feeling about what it is we're doing and where we're headed that we get all kinds of messages we get all kinds of moments where clarity comes into being and we start to see a little more clearly kind of what our personal identities about and how we want to express it.

I think that when you suggest to people in business or in the world of you know taking your life forward to slow down and and contemplate things they they they generally dismiss it because they they're sort of running after their goals as fast as they can.

And great believer in not just throwing the goals out but really just keeping them in perspective because they can become a dominant theme that rules your life instead of letting your heart and your your real true essence of your authentic self you be the guide to where you're hitting and the success that you're creating in your own life.

Well that is fantastic and I'm glad we started with you Anna because fire nation if you are listening to the intro you know that we have also john David man joining us on the microphone today as well as Anna so it's going to be a great triple threat coming at you as we talk about how to create the kind of love in your relationship that makes your friends wonder what is that secret sauce so john you've been patient you've been kind you've been quiet so far let's talk about what is the mind.

What is the mindset of lasting love the mindset of lasting love I was I was I was a chuckling because that secret sauce you know three years friends asked us what is your guys secret sauce you guys act like newly wedged and you're oldly wedged so I mean he is years go by we still you know just the love goes stronger and fresher and not stay so you know it's a great question.

The mindset of lasting love to us is the answer to that question what's our secret sauce I think we both approach our relationship from the spirit of generosity and what I mean by that is from the perspective of putting the other person first putting the other person first and I don't mean putting ourselves second as in debasing ourselves building you up so that so I'm pushing myself down it's not a question of sacrifice it's it's it's this you know

we have close to this in our language we say things like all I married up right or we refer to our spouses my better half and we grin and we chocolate and it's kind of like a light little joke but there's a beautiful truth in there which is that we did marry up I look at Anna and I think I married up and she says the same thing about me because we're used to building each other up.

A relationship can easily start to feel like a zero some game where if you win I lose if I win you're going to have to lose that's the road to to dissolution of the marriage of the relationship we believe it's the opposite the more I build you up the stronger the us becomes the stronger I become the better I become well first off shame on me fire nation J L D for calling Anna Anna

Anna when it's obviously Anna and something that any rookie podcast host should have figured out and you two are both way too close way too kind to not correct me during our entire pre interview chats or anything like that so thank you for being so kind and and and really allowing me to share this great lesson with our listeners here today so Anna I apologize for the mispronunciation for the first few minutes here and what do you want to add about this that John just shared

I think he hit the nail on the head at the same time what I feel about about marriage and about lasting love is that we all arrive in our primary relationship whoever it is we fall in love with we arrived with a series of suitcases and what happens as the relationship gets closer is that those suitcases start unpacking and those suitcases are all the emotional baggage we care about

we have a emotional baggage we carry from our history whatever it was whether we had a parent who shamed us or we had you know any kinds of negative experiences growing up where whether we were neglected or ignored or had an alcoholic parent or had you know somebody in our family who was depressed

these are all things that we had to work around and we learned by working around so when we get into a relationship we bring all of that with us and as it unpacks it becomes the dynamic of the relationship

and so what John's referring to about you know sort of really just focusing on the skill sets that we offer in this book you know and remembering the us you strengthen the bond you

make it something where your compassion you know leads in the relationship and a great deal of healing can happen for both partners and that's really the mindset of lasting love is really just healing whatever it is that's there between you so that you can move into what we see as a very pure love a love that's mature a love that really has endurance

and on a let's continue by talking about the go give I mean it's a global business brands why did you write a go give a book about love and marriage what was your inspiration and motivation there

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