How to Connect Deeper in Minutes | Charles Duhigg

The Art of Charm

http://www.TheArtOfCharm.com

Business, Health & Fitness, Education

4.7 • 11K Ratings

🗓️ 15 September 2025

⏱️ 52 minutes

🔗️ Recording | iTunes | RSS

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Summary

Why do some people make every conversation better? Pulitzer Prize–winning journalist and author Charles Duhigg (Supercommunicators, The Power of Habit) returns to reveal the science behind connection that anyone can learn. In this conversation with AJ and Johnny, Charles explains why “super communicators” aren’t extroverts or natural charmers—they’re people who consistently use a handful of skills that make others feel smart, heard, and valued. From NASA astronaut interviews to speed dating experiments, Charles shares practical techniques like “looping for understanding,” perspective-getting, and callbacks that transform awkward or tense moments into genuine connection. Whether you’re navigating conflict with your boss, strengthening friendships, or reconnecting with someone after years apart, these tools will help you communicate with intention, build trust, and leave every conversation stronger than when it started. What to Listen For [00:00:00] What makes a “super communicator” and why it’s not charisma [00:01:22] The Dartmouth study on “high centrality” people who make teams gel [00:03:08] Why the best leaders ask instead of tell [00:04:19] Communication as a skill—not a personality trait [00:07:38] Laughter as a social signal, not just humor [00:09:34] Why friendships at work predict happiness and retention [00:15:14] How to start tough conversations with clarity and intention [00:23:05] Proving you listened: the power of looping for understanding [00:26:01] Why understanding each other matters more than agreeing [00:33:27] Three steps for navigating difficult conversations (deep question, declare intention, acknowledge discomfort) [00:42:24] How callbacks drive connection—from speed dating to parenting [00:45:55] Charles’ daily practice for staying connected and curious A Word From Our Sponsors Stop being over looked and unlock your X-Factor today at ⁠⁠unlockyourxfactor.com⁠⁠ The very qualities that make you exceptional in your field are working against you socially. Visit the ⁠⁠artofcharm.com/intel ⁠⁠for a social intelligence assessment and discover exactly what's holding you back. Indulge in affordable luxury with Quince. Upgrade your wardrobe today at ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠quince.com/charm⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ for free shipping and hassle-free returns. Grow your way - with Headway! Get started at ⁠⁠makeheadway.com/CHARM ⁠⁠and use my code CHARM for 25% off. Ready to turn your business idea into reality? Sign up for your $1/month trial at ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠shopify.com/charm⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠. Need to hire top talent—fast? Claim your $75 Sponsored Job Credit now at ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠Indeed.com/charm⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠. This year, skip breaking a sweat AND breaking the bank. Get your summer savings and shop premium wireless plans at ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠mintmobile.com/charm⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ Save more than fifty percent on term life insurance at ⁠⁠SELECTQUOTE.COM/CHARM⁠⁠ TODAY to get started Curious about your influence level? Get your Influence Index Score today! Take this 60-second quiz to find out how your influence stacks up against top performers at ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠theartofcharm.com/influence⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠. Episode resources: Charles Duhigg Supercommunicators: How to Unlock the Secret Language of Connection Check in with AJ and Johnny! ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠AJ on LinkedIn⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠Johnny on LinkedIn⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠AJ on Instagram⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠Johnny on Instagram⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠The Art of Charm on Instagram⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠The Art of Charm on YouTube⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠The Art of Charm on TikTok⁠⁠ Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Transcript

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0:00.0	You know, some people think OCD is just about keeping your house super clean?
0:04.0	That stereotype drives me crazy.
0:06.1	Real OCD creates these unwanted intrusive thoughts about stuff you actually care about,
0:11.3	like your social life.
0:12.4	Exactly.
0:13.4	It makes you doubt whether people actually like you or you're terrified.
0:16.4	You accidentally offended someone.
0:18.2	You spend hours replaying conversations looking for proof you're not a
0:22.1	terrible person. And those thoughts get so overwhelming. You start doing all these behaviors to make
0:26.8	them stop, like mentally reviewing every interaction or trying to cancel negative thoughts with
0:31.4	positive ones before you see friends. But here's the thing. The doubts and fears just come back
0:36.7	even stronger. It isolates you from the
0:38.9	connections that make life worth living. That's where NOCD comes in. They're the world's leading
0:43.9	provider of OCD treatment and all of their therapists specialize in ERP therapy. That's exposure
0:49.7	and response prevention. Not regular talk therapy, which actually makes OCD worse. NOCD does live
0:56.8	face-to-face virtual sessions, where they teach you proven techniques to manage intrusive thoughts
1:01.7	and reclaim your confidence. It's 100% virtual, covered by insurance for over 155 million Americans,
1:08.3	and you get support between sessions so you're not facing this alone.
1:12.4	If you think OCD might be holding you back, go to NOCD.com and book a free 15-minute call.
1:19.8	That's N-O-C-D.com.
1:22.9	That's how we figure out who has emotional intelligence is the people who pay attention to us,
1:27.7	who show that they're listening to us, who match us.
	...

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