How to change other people (hint: you can’t)

Make Some Noise with Andrea Owen

Andrea Owen

How To, Education, Self-improvement

4.7 • 517 Ratings

🗓️ 26 June 2019

⏱️ 31 minutes

🔗️ Recording | iTunes | RSS

🧾️ Download transcript

Summary

Today’s podcast episode comes from a podcast listener. She asks: I am wondering if you have any strategies for how to help move people to a place of readiness to change? I have been doing a lot of work on myself over the past two years and am feeling so much better in my life and I notice myself wanting to spread this joy to others and show them they too can feel better! There is one person in particular in my life who I am very close to who is raising two daughters who I am even closer to. I find it very hard to sit back and watch her suffer due to her lack of skills with dealing with difficult emotions, social anxiety, and control issues. I know she is definitely not ready to change from previous conversations. She immediately shuts down any time someone tries to hold her accountable for her part in problems, uses silent treatment with them, takes no ownership for her actions and shows no awareness that all signs point to her having significant social anxiety. My heart SO wants to help this person. It is more difficult watching the pattern begin to repeat itself in her daughters. I know logically that there is nothing I can do because people have to be ready to change. And I have to let go of the attachment that I can "change someone". But I guess I am hopeful there are ways to support someone in moving towards being ready to change. How does one gently increase a person’s awareness? Raise your hand if you’ve ever been in a situation where you KNOW you can help someone or at least point them in the direction of helping them out. 🙋🙋🙋 I have much to say about this-- the do’s and don’t’s and everything in between. Listen in as I also tell you HOW to say what can be helpful for your friend or loved one, as well as how to take care of yourself. http://yourkickasslife.com/287 Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

Transcript

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0:29.8	And when people would give me advice, it made me feel worse. Like, oh, you think you're better than me?
0:35.9	And like, that was the belief that I had,
0:38.1	that they not only were they better than me, but they knew that they were better than me.
0:43.0	And that was just deeply shaming. It just is a matter of, and you all know it, she has to get to a
0:50.9	place where she is ready. And for me personally, it took my entire life exploding
0:54.8	to get to that place where I picked my head up out of the dirt and was like, all right,
0:59.8	I'm ready to change my life. This is Your Kickass Life podcast. Episode number 287.
1:08.0	This is the Your Kickass Life podcast with Andrea Owen, a no BS guide to self-help and
1:14.9	bad assery. Because ladies, let's face it, life's too short for it to not kick ass. And here's your
1:23.6	host, the girl who serves it up straight with a side of crazy. Andrea Owen.
1:29.6	Hey there, ask kickers. Welcome to another episode of the podcast. I am going to warn you, I am officially
1:35.1	over-caffeinated. This may have been a big mistake. I decided to make another pot of coffee in the
1:41.1	afternoon, which I so rarely do. But I had insomnia last night,
1:45.0	and I was so tired and I knew I had to record this episode and do a few more things.
1:49.0	I just think this is where the cycle begins, because then I won't be able to sleep tonight,
1:52.8	and it just becomes the sleeping ordeal for those of you that struggle with insomnia.
2:00.0	It is the absolute worst, isn't it?
	...

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