Hi, you're listening to Small Things Often from the Gottman Institute, where we talk you through

research-based tips to help improve your relationships in five minutes or less.

Today's tip is about celebrating the holidays with your partner when you come from different

backgrounds. Navigating different religious beliefs or ethnic cultures can sometimes be tricky,

but it's absolutely possible to have different perspectives and still create a fulfilling

life together, and that includes celebrating together. How can you do that? First, acknowledge

the differences in what they mean for your life together. Admitting that you have different beliefs makes it real, and that can be scary, especially if you're nervous about conflict.

But it's never too soon or too late to talk about your beliefs or culture.

Ask each other questions like, what do the holidays mean to you?

What were your holidays like growing up?

Avoidance isn't really an option here, because that's not sustainable.

Instead, the idea is to share your experiences with them.

Sharing stories is the best way for your partner to get to know this part of you and understand how meaningful different traditions are to you.

It also takes the pressure off the

conversation and can keep you both from shutting down. Also, don't knock it before you try it,

or commit to anything before you experience it first. It's important that you show genuine

interest and curiosity in your partner's beliefs and practices. Go with them to their religious services

and observe them as they practice rituals. You aren't making any promises to leave behind,

let's say, your Judaism to celebrate Christmas. You're just simply communicating that you value

your relationship, and you're embracing who your partner is entirely. And don't forget about therapy.

It can be a really great tool in general,

but it can also be a big help if some differences seem impossible to figure out.

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