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Love, Happiness and Success with Dr. Lisa Marie Bobby

How to Build Friendships: Skills for Emotional Intimacy & Feeling Connected | Barnet Bain | Happiness | E511

Love, Happiness and Success with Dr. Lisa Marie Bobby

YAP Media Network | Dr. Lisa Marie Bobby

Relationships, Society & Culture, Health & Fitness, Mental Health

4.7890 Ratings

🗓️ 23 March 2026

⏱️ 61 minutes

🧾️ Download transcript

Summary

If you’re craving real closeness, this episode on friendships is for you. Because feeling lonely isn’t really about not having people in your life,  it’s about not feeling known. And that’s where emotional intimacy and real connection begin. Many people wonder, “Why do I feel so lonely even though I have friends?” or struggle with the quiet ache of feeling lonely even with friends. In this conversation, we’re exploring why adult friendship can feel surprisingly complicated, and why making friends as an adult often requires skills we were never taught. My guest, Barnet Bain, is an award-winning filmmaker, author, and teacher whose new book, How to Be a Friend (in an Unfriendly World), grew out of a Columbia University course he created for psychologists. Together, we’re talking about the real reason adult friendships can feel hard, why so many people struggle with how to make friends as an adult, and the powerful friendship skills that help create emotional intimacy and lasting connection. You’ll hear why feeling lonely even with friends is more common than you might think, how our modern world can unintentionally make adult friendship harder to sustain, and why building meaningful relationships is less about finding the right people and more about developing the inner skills that make connection possible. As you listen, I’d love for you to reflect on this: if you’ve been wondering why do I feel lonely even though I have friends, what might change if you shifted the focus from finding better friends… to becoming the kind of friend who creates deeper connections? Episode Breakdown: 00:00 Why You Feel Lonely Even With Friends 04:44 The Friendship Skills No One Teaches Us 08:38 What Healthy Adult Friendship Really Requires 19:02 Why the World Feels More Disconnected 28:11 Friendship as a Practice (And Why It Matters) 34:48 Why Trying to Fix People Blocks Emotional Intimacy 44:16 How to Make Friends as an Adult 50:09 How to Build and Maintain Real Friendships 53:39 The Power of Being Fully Present If this conversation resonates and you’re realizing how much you want deeper, more meaningful relationships in your life, you don’t have to figure it out alone. You can schedule a free consultation with me or a member of my team at Growing Self. It’s a private, supportive space where you can talk about what’s been going on in your relationships and what you’d like to feel different. From there, we’ll help you get matched with the right counselor or coach so you can build stronger connections and feel more supported in your life. xoxo, Dr. Lisa Marie Bobby Growing Self Shopify — The all-in-one platform for building and growing your online business. Visit shopify.com/lhs to explore their tools and access exclusive listener discounts. Working Genius — A powerful assessment that helps entrepreneurs and leaders focus on what they naturally do best. Get 20% off with code LHS at workinggenius.comStrawberry.me — Career coaching that helps you gain clarity, build a strategic plan, and take confident steps toward the career you want with expert support. Get 50% off your first coaching session at strawberry.me/LHS.

Transcript

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0:00.0

Most friendships don't end from betrayal.

0:05.0

They die from silence.

0:07.0

Should old acquaintance be, for God and never brought to my jet old acquaintance be forgotten old acquaintance be forgotten old last time. Have you ever looked at all the contacts in your phone or on your social media contacts and

0:44.5

thought, oh my gosh, I'm connected with so many people, but why do I still feel so alone?

0:51.2

If you've had that experience, today's episode is for you because here's the truth,

0:58.2

feeling lonely doesn't come from not having people in your life. It comes from not feeling known,

1:06.0

not having genuinely intimate connections. Of about a half a dozen really dear friends with whom I am

1:14.4

vulnerable, with whom I'm able to listen to with jumping in to fix things, with whom I'm able to

1:21.4

kind of practice the techniques that make me increasingly friendship material. And so today we're talking about

1:29.8

how to build the kinds of friendships that actually hold you, especially in a world that can

1:36.3

feel distracted, guarded, or honestly, a little unfriendly. By the end of this episode, you'll have

1:44.1

some new insights and also some strategies

1:46.9

for what to do differently, whether you're trying to make new friends, reconnect with old ones,

1:53.4

or maybe just stop being the one who always reaches out first. You can't just fit it in.

1:59.8

Friendships where we try to fit it in, these fade out.

2:04.2

Friendships fade when they're left to convenience, so you have to plan around them. Put a name

2:08.7

in your calendar and keep the date. If this is your first time, I'm so glad you're here.

2:26.8

I'm your host, Dr. Lisa Marie Bobby.

2:29.7

Myself, I'm a psychologist, a family therapist, a board certified coach, and the founder of growing

2:36.1

self-counseling and coaching.

2:38.9

If you're a regular listener, you know we talk about relationships all the time on this show,

2:44.5

lots about romantic partnerships, but today we're doing a deep dive into friendships and how to make those rich and meaningful.

...

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