Hi! You're listening to Small Things Often from the Gottman Institute, where we talk you through research-based tips to help improve your relationships in five minutes or less.

Today's tip is about emotion coaching. Coach the emotions? That's a thing you can really do? Yep. And if you're a parent, guardian, or a caregiver,

you may already know that. Because the way you help a child through difficult emotions,

to really understand their feelings and where they're coming from, can have a huge impact on their

life and future. But here's something we've learned. You don't have to be a kid to need

some emotion coaching, and you don't need to be a parent to emotion coach. It doesn't matter if

you're six or 60. The same principles for coaching kids apply to adults. It's all wrapped in the

concept of emotional intelligence, becoming fully aware of

your emotions, and then knowing how to manage and control them. How does this work? Say your child throws a

temper tantrum when they can't get what they want, or they become really sad when they feel rejected

by a classmate. This is the absolutely perfect moment for emotion coaching.

Sit down and talk to them with empathy, validate their feelings, and help them label their emotions

with words, then help them figure out exactly why they're reacting that way. And through it all,

show them that you totally respect that they're working

to solve the problem. Can you see how this is great advice for coaching your partner, too?

Case in point. Say your partner didn't get the promotion they were absolutely positively sure

they were going to get, and they've been angry ever since. Anything sets them off. The dog barking, the wet towels

left on the bathroom floor, and now an over-cooked chicken dinner has pushed them over the edge.

So what do you do? First, in the very moment your partner is so angry. Show your respect and

understanding for what they're experiencing. Talk through

their feelings with them, and then help them dig deeper to understand what's underneath the

cause of their anger. You might say, I understand how upset you are about not getting the promotion.

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