Hi, you're listening to Small Things Often from the Gottman Institute, where we talk you through

research-based tips to help improve your relationships in five minutes or less.

Today's tip is about being both lovers and friends. Think back to the very beginning of your

relationship with your partner.

You spent hours talking on the phone,

texted all throughout the day, and shared stories late into the night.

You became aware of each other's past,

got clued in on the present, and knew their hopes for the future.

You learned each other's quirks and pet peeves. But as your relationship matured, that friendship might have taken a back seat. And now you talk logistics instead of telling

stories. Maybe you start a conversation with, did you forget to pay the internet bill? Obviously,

everyday conversations have to happen to, but in the midst

of doing life together, it's important to still make space for storytelling. It's a big part of

friendship, and friendship is the foundation of relationships. So how can you rekindle that friendship

and stay curious about your partner?

Start by getting into the habit of asking open-ended questions.

Ask, what's it like to be an only child?

Or say, what's been on your mind lately?

And don't forget to show fondness and admiration, like you would to a close friend. Your best friend probably has

traits that you admire. You brag about them to other people and cheer them on when they're in

the dumps. You probably did that at the start of your romantic relationship with your partner.

Basically, everything they did was mind-blowing until the honeymoon stage ended. That's when couples sometimes

hyper-focus on the things that bother them, and stop acknowledging everything that's right.

...