How to Be FULLY PRESENT In Your Relationships | Michael Bungay Stanier

The Daily Motivation

Lewis Howes

Education, Self-improvement

4.8 • 960 Ratings

🗓️ 2 June 2026

⏱️ 9 minutes

🔗️ Recording | iTunes | RSS

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Summary

Michael Bungay Stanier explores the topics of self-compassion and self-coaching abilities. He emphasizes the significance of being kind to oneself and developing the skills to effectively coach and guide one's own personal and professional development. Stanier provides practical insights into the process of cultivating self-compassion and the art of asking oneself powerful questions to drive self-improvement. His discussion offers valuable guidance for listeners seeking to enhance their self-awareness, self-compassion, and self-coaching skills as a means to achieve personal and professional growth.

Transcript

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0:00.0	Hi, my name is Lewis Howes and welcome to the Daily Motivation Show.
0:10.1	So the I-Thou relationships is about service and relationship with others, right?
0:17.6	It's kind of like showing up fully.
0:20.5	I have a sense of who you are, you're present with me. I'm not just
0:25.7	getting the mask. I've got the mask off. You're not trying to necessarily kind of prove status with
0:30.9	each other, kind of went up each other, but you're just like, I'm seeing the best of you,
0:35.1	and I'm doing the best I can to bring out the best of you, and you're doing the same for me.
0:38.8	That's the magic.
0:39.7	Yeah.
0:40.2	And how does the coaching habit support with I, thou relationships?
0:45.6	So most of my work happens in a corporate setting.
0:48.4	I mean, the coaching habit gets read everywhere.
0:50.7	I get letters from parents and letters from pastors and letters from sports coaches.
0:55.2	So it's transcended that. But I wrote it thinking of this middle manager. Organizations have a way
1:00.8	of just setting people up in hierarchy with each other, which is inherently an I-it relationship.
1:07.4	And if you're the boss, when somebody comes to you with a problem, lots of us go, my job is to have the answer, which freaks bosses out. Because they're like, there's so much going on. I don't know the answer. I barely know the answers to the stuff that I'm responsible for, yet, only the answers for the stuff you're responsible for. But they're like, this is how I help. This is how I prove value, this is how I prove my authority. And what you're doing in answering a question is you're handing the humanity back to that person saying, look, I'm going to raise your status and raise your authority and give you the autonomy and the confidence and the self-sufficiency to figure the stuff out itself.
1:45.0	And in doing that, you're really saying, I'm giving you your full humanity.
1:49.0	I'm not taking it away from you.
1:51.0	Right.
1:52.0	I think in that moment, you have this opportunity to be human to human as you work together
1:57.0	rather than boss to subordinate.
1:59.0	Interesting. And what are the main questions that every coach should use
	...

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