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In her new book, the communication scholar Alison Wood Brooks defines the conversation.

She says it's a co-creation in pursuit of all manner of needs and desires.

And when you're talking with someone at lunch or at a dinner party, you're making dozens of micro decisions. It's really complicated because it depends on purpose and context.

And Brooks told us recently that in our efforts to get to know someone or make a connection,

we trip and stumble all the time. I mean, it happened to her with her own baby.

Charlotte is my third child out of three total and my only girl.

Every moment of her life, of her babyhood, I felt like I was really grabbing on tightly to the experience of it.

You know, wondering if it would be my last child and my only girl and really loving and cherishing every little moment.

So there was one night and she was probably, gosh, maybe 15 months old and was starting to talk and was just the cutest little nugget.

And I was putting her to bed one night.

And as we were snuggling, she kind of looked at me and she said,

I love you. And I was like, oh my God, I think she just said, I love you to me for the first time.

And it'll be the last time that any of my kids ever say, I love you for the first time. It was just,

you know, one of these very meaningful moments. And I was in and she leaned in and she sort of kissed me right on the nose. And I was like, this is it. That's it. Like parenting success, I can just, it's over. Everything is wonderful. I lay her down in her crib, floating on air. I leave the room and sort of tiptoe down the hallway as you do after you put your kids to bed.

And as I'm tiptoeing away, I have this little epiphany or this sort of question where I was like, what?

Did she say, I love you?

You know, she's 15 months old, so she's just sort of babbling and making weird sounds.

And then I realized, oh, my God, I actually think she might have said, I lick you.

And instead of kissing me on the nose, she had licked me on the nose.

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