How to Accept What You Cannot Change: Anxious Times, Part 3 (#389)

Religion on the Mind

Religion & Spirituality, Religion, Spirituality

4.7 • 542 Ratings

🗓️ 26 March 2026

⏱️ 30 minutes

🔗️ Recording | iTunes | RSS

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Summary

I'm joined by my co-host Kristen Tideman for the third installment of the Anxious Times series. We dig into Emmy van Dersen's concept of "the necessary" — the hard limits baked into existence that we can't change, only accept — and explore how resisting these limits is one of the biggest drivers of unhealthy anxiety, whether you're navigating religious deconstruction, a new diagnosis, or just being alive in a chaotic world. In the Patron-only second half, Kristen shares the raw, emotional story of her MS diagnosis as a lived case study in running headfirst into hard limits, and we explore what it looks like to resist or deny the necessary — from anti-aging culture to political utopianism to religious change. Highlights: Defining "the necessary" (hard limits) Mortality, uncertainty, embodiment as givens Kristen's MS diagnosis and processing Religious change and false certainty Acceptance ≠ approval or minimizing Anxious Times Episode Part 1⁠ ⁠Anxious Times Episode Part 2 ___________________________________________ Follow Dan on IG: ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠www.instagram.com/dancoke/⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ Or Twitter: ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠twitter.com/DanKoch⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ Faith deconstruction resources: ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠www.soyouredeconstructing.com/⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ Join the Patreon for exclusive episodes (and more) every month: ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠patreon.com/dankoch⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ Email about the "sliding scale" for the Patreon: ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠youhavepermissionpodcast@gmail.com⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ YHP Patron-only FB group: ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠tinyurl.com/ycvbbf98⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ Website: ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠www.dankochwords.com/yhp.html⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ Join Dan's email list: ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠www.dankochwords.com/⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ Artwork by ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠Nickryanluevano.com⁠ Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Transcript

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0:00.0	Welcome back, everybody, to Religion on the Mind and more specifically to this mini-series we are
0:06.1	calling Anxious Times. I'm Dr. Dan Koch, licensed therapist and psychology of religion researcher,
0:12.9	and I'll be joined in these episodes by a longtime friend of the pod and collaborator, Kristen Tiedman.
0:19.6	For each Anxious Times episode, we're going to be highlighting one or more specific
0:25.0	concepts from existential psychology and practically applying them to living through unsettling
0:32.4	periods like the present moment.
0:34.9	This first set will include five or six episodes,
0:37.9	and we plan to return for more later on,
0:40.6	possibly in the fall.
0:42.4	Let's dive in.
0:53.2	Kristen,
0:54.0	how about you remind us where we've been on episodes one and two of this little series?
1:01.2	Yeah, sure. So we talked in episode one about anxiety and how that is natural in humans.
1:08.2	So sometimes we think of it as purely negative, but actually it can be healthy
1:11.7	or unhealthy, and that can make a lot of us feel more normal, I would say. Me especially. In episode
1:19.8	two, we talked about what Carl Yasper's called boundary situations and how we're living through
1:27.2	them in aspects that are pertaining to geopolitics, media and information and things like the rise of AI.
1:35.3	So we've seen commentary about this and how it could be called.
1:38.7	Even the polycrisis, that's a similar insight.
1:42.2	Or really, that boundary situation language is just something that can be appropriate for individuals who are going through challenges.
1:49.9	Religious challenge.
1:51.3	My MS diagnosis is an example or other kinds of change.
	...

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