We have a counseling team here at Focus on the Family and I know one of the common questions they get has to do with marital intimacy like how frequently should we be having

sex there's no formula but we're going to talk a little bit more about that today I'm

John Fuller along with Greg Smalley and his wife Aaron. They lead the focused marriage team. They both have

resumes that include a lot of education, a lot of work with couples. And Aaron, I'm sure that as you've had

couples in your office, you've had to deal with this

we'll call it a disparity in sexual frequency.

Mm-hmm often couples come in and one will be one desiring more sex than the other one and it's interesting

because over the years helping individuals to dig in to what is it that sex means to me? Does it bring

connection? Is it this the way that I feel most connected and I'm desiring connection.

Sometimes what I've seen couples will have sex instead of having a good conversation.

And as we know, both are necessary.

What's the problem with it? Right. And as we know, both are necessary. I was going to say,

what's the problem with it, right?

But if they're using sex only to connect and they're not working through their issues or challenges,

well, that becomes a problem.

Marriage involves so much more than just the physical, doesn't it?

And so really where we land is both people have to matter and both desires have to matter. And if one has a very high desire for sex and the other one has a very low

well a exploring what's going on but then figuring out what works for both of us because we both matter here.

Yeah, well we're going to hear now from Shanti Feldhahn and Jim Daly, focused president

Jim Daly along with Dr. Michael Seizma.

Shanti and Michael did some research and they have some really

good insights that I think are going to be helpful to you.

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