Welcome to Love and Abuse, the show about helping you identify poisonous communication and toxic behavior.

You deserve to be treated with respect and kindness.

That's why it's important that you learn to pinpoint manipulative and controlling behavior so that you keep your power and your sanity.

I'm your host, Paul Koliani.

Thank you. power and your sanity. I'm your host, Paul Koliani. All information on the show is meant for educational purposes only. Always seek a professional

for your mental health and well-being.

And thanks for joining me.

Thanks for joining for another episode of love and abuse.

I want to comment on something that has to do with incompatibility and how incompatibility can lead to emotionally abusive behavior

because we want someone to be more like

us or be less like they are. That can happen. If we want someone to be more introverted because

we're an extrovert, then that could lead to destructive behavior.

If we want them to be more extroverted, because we're introverted, same thing.

If somebody likes sci-fi and the other person likes romantic movies, you know, things like

that, even though they're small, they can be little compounding nudges or digs at the other person that build up into worse

behavior over time.

And of course, with any type of control manipulation or emotional abuse, when you have something

small like this, it's usually part of a bigger pattern.

Because you could have, for example, someone in a romantic relationship smokes, but the other

one doesn't, in fact, might hate smoking. The person who hates the smoking is always going to

have that in the back of their mind, or they're going to smell smoke and they're going to be triggered,

they're going to be angry.

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