How have you traumatized your parents?

Here's my story. It begins far away from my parents deep in the woods. I was 18 years old.

As summer came to a close, I went on a week-long hiking trip with my girlfriend.

We went off the grid many miles from civilization. There were no designated campsites,

running water, etc. We were roughing it. Being young and Randy, we wanted to have our share

of fun adult times. So I bought a sizable stash of prophylactics. Of course, there were no garbage cans

in the middle of the woods. When the deed was done, I had to put the used wang covers into a Ziploc

baggie in my backpack. By the end of our week in the sweltering August sun, the baggie was full and

funky. The trip went well. I returned to my parents' house exactly one day before I had to leave

for my sophomore year at college. I was also a ridiculous slob. So, using my patented packing style,

I hastily dumped my backpack's contents into my bedroom closet, picked through the mess, took what I needed,

and left the rest. Yeah, I forgot about the baggy. But someone else found it? No, not my parents. My dog.

Basically, my parents came home one day to find used prophylactics spread all over the living room.

Yeah. Apparently, my dog had found a baggie, but he didn't just sniff it or eat it on the spot or whatever. No, he took it downstairs and spread my week old rubbers and spooge all over the couch and carpet and the living room, the first room you see when you enter the house.

Welcome home, mum and dad. They didn't tell me about it for years to spare me the embarrassment. When my dad finally did tell me,

he was laughing his butt off, but my mother was apparently not pleased. In conclusion,

my childhood dog spread my used rubbers all over my parents' living room. When I was in eighth grade,

I was staying the night at my friend's house, and it so happened that one of my favorite

movies, a Christmas story, was going

to be playing on TBS. My family didn't have cable, and I knew everyone would enjoy watching it

on Christmas at my house, so I asked my buddy if we could record it onto VHS, so I could take it home.

He grabbed a blank tape from his dad's office, popped it in the VCR, and we recorded Ralphie

...