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U Up?

How Gender Norms Are Hurting Your Sex Life Ft. Emily Nagoski

U Up?

Betches

Sexuality, Relationships, Comedy, Society & Culture, Health & Fitness

4.814.5K Ratings

🗓️ 4 December 2022

⏱️ 73 minutes

🧾️ Download transcript

Summary

J&J are back with another Sunday Special, and this week they’re joined by Emily Nagoski, sex researcher, educator, and author of Come As You Are. They start with a discussion about spontaneous vs. responsive desire, and Emily explains why she believes we need to center pleasure in your sex life instead of desire. Then, they answer an email from a listener who says she can’t have an orgasm and feels like she can’t ask for things in the bedroom because she won’t come anyway. Emily breaks down all the stories the emailer is telling herself and advises her on how to have a conversation with her boyfriend about it. Plus, they talk about how the cultural scripts we’re given based on gender are getting in the way of our sex lives. Check out our latest promo codes here: https://betches.com/promos Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Transcript

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0:00.0

I think that the holidays feel like frozen noses. I love walking with the dog for long periods of time.

0:10.0

Hopefully it's snowing and you've got to wrap up warm. So I think a frozen nose is

0:13.6

then sweaty armpits because like you're wrapped up so warm but then you're climbing hamps

0:17.9

and heath and you get to the top and you're like and then you can see the breath

0:21.6

but then your nose is still freezing to touch.

0:25.0

Joy in every sip with red cups now back at Starbucks.

0:32.7

Hello and welcome back to the Sunday special episode of the U.A. podcast. I'm Tradani.

0:37.1

And I am Jared Fried. We are super excited to have a very special guest. They are a sex-educated

0:42.8

researcher author of Come As You Are, the surprising new science that will transform your sex life

0:50.2

and burn out the secret to unlocking the stress cycle Emily Nagaski. Thank you for coming on.

0:58.0

Hello. Thank you so much for having me. How are you? Of course. I am pandemic amazing.

1:05.5

Okay. Good. Given the current circumstances I'm doing really great.

1:10.8

Where are you coming from? I am in Western Massachusetts. How about you?

1:15.2

Oh, the Berkshires. Almost. Yeah. Okay. Cool. I'm from outside of Boston originally. So

1:22.9

a little bit familiar with the area but I'm in Boca, Florida and Jordanians in New York.

1:30.7

Yes. And I'm so excited that you're coming on the show. I've had so many people DM us about your book.

1:39.2

I know you also have a podcast that's also called Come As You Are. Great title by the way.

1:44.5

I have to say. I have to fight for it actually. Really? I think it's perfect. And even like the front

1:50.5

of your book also with like just the art, it's just very, I thought it was very well done,

1:56.0

very tasteful and yet very interesting. And you know, I think that this that your research is

2:02.8

so interesting because I think we all assume that like that everyone's sex drive is like sort of

2:11.2

the same or that if we're you know, if we're with a partner and they're of a lower sex drive

...

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