How Do I Keep Up With the Constant Texting!? (Hint: Don't!) feat. Mike Yard

Adulting with Michelle Buteau and Jordan Carlos

Exactly Right and iHeartPodcasts

Kids & Family, Comedy

4.8 • 3.3K Ratings

🗓️ 9 August 2023

⏱️ 40 minutes

🔗️ Recording | iTunes | RSS

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Summary

Michelle and Jordan catch up at the Bell House stage with comedian / writer / friend Mike Yard. Jordan flawlessly impersonates his therapist while also sharing helpful tips, Mike transports the audience from St. Croix to East NY, and Michelle takes a minute when an audience question nearly breaks her. This episode was recorded before the SAG-AFTRA strike. #Noscabbing!

Transcript

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0:00.0	This is exactly right.
0:06.9	What is good?
0:08.5	You know what's good?
0:09.8	I'm finally starting to be comfortable taking my kids to a nice restaurant.
0:16.0	Oh.
0:16.4	Because I'm paying for it and I'm okay taking the iPad out.
0:21.2	You know why?
0:22.3	I gotta get through the skirt steak, bitches.
0:24.2	I need my me time too.
0:48.7	I'm Michelle Bout and I'm here with Jordan Carlos, and I'm just talking about some adult shit.
0:55.4	Grown, grown, grown stuff. Let me ask you a question, though. How many dishes are you preparing for dinner?
1:00.8	Oh, it's very simple. We got a protein, we got a carb, starch, and we have vegetables. That's how we roll.
1:05.2	Okay. Once in a while, we'll do like a spaghetti, like a bolo, a bolognese. Sure.
1:07.5	Where you just really sneak in the vegetables.
1:29.2	Ooh! I feel you. I prepared dinner last night for my kids and, wow. Grilled the corn, grilled the chicken. BBC, always better because there's less cleanup. Yes. And my son was just like, I don't like barbecue. Oh, no. It's so delicious. What do you mean? Do they help you? Do they help me? My daughter's really into like, I want to help you.
1:29.9	That's so great.
1:34.0	Sometimes if the stars are aligned, if the wind is just right.
1:34.7	Oh my God.
1:36.0	Then they'll be like, huh.
1:37.6	Mercury's out of retrograde.
1:41.2	The Jupiter's sun is along the Mars moon.
1:44.6	And I just go into like a full-on conibption fit.
	...

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