How can I find support for myself as my husband heals from a traumatic childhood?

Ask Dr. Julie Hanks

Dr. Julie Hanks

Self-improvement, Society & Culture, Education, Relationships, Health & Fitness, Mental Health

4.6 • 734 Ratings

🗓️ 8 August 2023

⏱️ 24 minutes

🔗️ Recording | iTunes | RSS

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Summary

In this episode I talk with Cassie and answer the question “How can I find support for myself as my husband heals from a traumatic childhood?” Cassie’s husband is actively working on healing from this trauma, but there are times when she feels like her wants and needs have to take a back seat until he is better.The story that Cassie has to put everything on hold while her husband heals is not true. She cannot wait to focus on herself and find the support she needs because she needs it now. We...

Transcript

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0:00.0	Welcome to Ask Dr. Julie Hanks, a safe place for healing conversations that educate and empower you to
0:23.2	prioritize your dreams, revolutionize your family, and personalize your faith. I'm your host,
0:29.2	Dr. Julie Hanks, a psychotherapist and coach offering online courses and programs to help women
0:34.5	all over the world heal themselves and their relationships. Join me here every week
0:39.5	as I coach a listener through a specific challenge and empower them with tools to find healing.
0:45.0	I'm so happy to welcome Cassie to the podcast today. Welcome, Cassie. Thank you, Dr. Julie. It's great to be here.
0:53.4	What is your question for me today?
0:56.6	So I'll tell you my question and then I'll kind of give you a bit of a background.
1:01.0	So my question is, how can I find support for myself and my own mental health while my husband is navigating healing from a traumatic childhood?
1:14.4	So my husband is extraordinary. I admire him so much and I'm so grateful that he has chosen to, you know, accept his law in life and
1:20.5	become better because of it. He hasn't let it, you know, taking him the other direction,
1:24.3	which I know is an easy thing to have happen. And he didn't have a very
1:29.8	ideal childhood. He had some really traumatic experiences and pretty much became the parental figure
1:35.5	in his home at a really young age. And he's aware of this. He's dealing with it. He sees a
1:40.5	therapist. He's doing so much hard work. But of course, these things take time and we see a lot of
1:46.3	it still affect our marriage. And a big portion of it, I would say, is our communication. That's what I would
1:53.3	love to focus on today. So, I mean, to put it simply, many conversations that come up, if it's
1:59.9	anything above small talk, is very quickly registered
2:03.3	as a threat and he shuts down. He's aware he does this, but when he shuts down, he's just
2:07.9	not there anymore. And I used to get really frustrated. I used to think that was because he didn't
2:14.0	care about what I had to say. And so I would push and pushed and he would shut down more
2:18.7	and I'd push more and it was just a terrible cycle. And now I'm getting much better at identifying
	...

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