Holiday Quests

Net Positive with John Crist

John Crist

Stand-up, Religion & Spirituality, Comedy

4.8 • 1.2K Ratings

🗓️ 24 December 2025

⏱️ 86 minutes

🔗️ Recording | iTunes | RSS

🧾️ Download transcript

Summary

We’re back once again, solving your holiday problems one joke at a time… On the net it’s a positive. ------ JOKES FOR HUMANS TOUR: ⁠⁠https://johncristcomedy.com/tour/⁠⁠ 1/23 Joliet, IL 1/24 Effingham, IL 1/25 Nashville, TN 2/19 Nashville, TN 2/20 Springfield, MO 2/22 Louisville, KY 2/26 Ithaca, NY 2/27 Reading, PA 2/28 Glenside, PA 3/1 New York, NY 3/19 Milwaukee, WI 3/20 Jackson, MI 3/21 Rockford, IL 3/22 Cedar Rapids, IA 3/27 Columbia, MO 3/28 Fayetteville, AR x2 3/29 Little Rock, AR 4/10 Stockton, CA 4/11 Anaheim, CA x2 4/12 Thousand Oaks, CA 4/17 Tucson, AZ 4/18 Houston, TX 5/2 Fort Worth, TX 5/3 Amarillo, TX 5/14 Wilmington, NC 5/15 Evans, GA 5/16 Durham, NC 5/29 Jacksonville, FL 5/30 Asheville, NC 5/31 Columbia, SC 6/4 Mobile, AL 6/5 Florence, AL 6/6 Duluth, GA ----- Catch the full video podcast on ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠YouTube⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠, and follow us on social media (⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠@netpositivepodcast⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠) for clips, bonus content, and updates throughout the week. ----- Email us at netpositive@johncristcomedy.com ----- FOLLOW JOHN ON: ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠Instagram⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠Twitter⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠TikTok⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠Facebook⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠YouTube⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ ----- SUPPORT OUR SPONSORS PONCHO: Go to https://ponchooutdoors.com/netpositive for $10 off and free shipping on your first order HELLO FRESH: Get 10 FREE MEALS AND A FREE ZWILLING KNIFE with promo code NETPOSITIVEHFZWL at https://hellofresh.com/NETPOSITIVEHFZWL BRUNT: Go to http://bruntworkwear.com/ and use code NETPOSITIVE to get $10 OFF ----- PRODUCED BY: ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠Alex Lagos⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ / ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠Easton Smith⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ / ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠Lagos Creative⁠ Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Transcript

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0:23.5	Sign up for your £1 per month trial at Shopify.com.uk.
0:29.8	Let's get after it, ladies and gentlemen, holiday season is well underway. What are people doing?
0:36.5	What are you doing? What are you doing?
0:37.5	Are people going to the mall?
0:55.4	It's Christmas week. I hope you're not going to the mall. I don't think that exists anymore. I hope your shopping's done. Like we put an end to Black Friday, right? Yeah, we kind of did. Yeah. I'm going to say this out loud. Sure. You know what we also put an end to, I think? football conference championships.
0:56.4	Ooh.
0:54.7	I think we might have. Amazon came out and they didn't realize that this is
1:02.1	going to end the Black Friday tradition. Yeah. Because people don't do it anymore. Right. It's also like a whole two
1:07.6	weeks now. It's like. Yeah. When I was in college, Black Friday was like you was like you were in a tent to get like a TV outside of Best Buy. Did you ever do it? Yes. I never went. I did it one time. Me and Cam did it one time. It was the most underwhelming whack experience. Yeah. I think I went to make a video. I went to like make fun of it. Nice. Yeah, yeah. I never, yeah. Maybe you killed it. Yeah, I might. I think I did.
1:30.7	Dang.
1:31.3	You and L. I went to like make fun of it. Nice. Yeah, yeah. I never, yeah. Maybe you killed it.
1:28.5	Yeah, I might.
1:29.0	I think I did.
1:30.8	Dang. You and Amazon. You and Bezos. Yeah, so they're like, hey, let's, it's similar. It's the exact same thing. Let's make the college football playoff. Awesome. Let's do it. I can't wait. Now all my teams are going to be playing over Christmas.
1:42.8	Oh, they're in the conference championship this week.
1:45.7	I'm good.
1:46.6	Yeah, and they're both making the playoff so this game means zero zero
1:49.8	and one of the teams could get blown out dude that's what that's what I that's what I heard on
1:53.6	Paul Feimbaum last night is goes ala the only reason Alabama is in is to save the conference
1:59.5	championship because Alabama was already in.
2:02.6	So why play in it?
	...

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