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You're Dead to Me

History of Football

You're Dead to Me

BBC

Comedy, History

4.710.9K Ratings

🗓️ 15 December 2025

⏱️ 14 minutes

🧾️ Download transcript

Summary

Join historian Greg Jenner for a funny and fascinating journey through the History of Football. A laugh-out-loud episode of Dead Funny History, the family podcast that brings the past back to life.

From medieval madness to the modern game Football might be the world’s favourite sport today, but its early days were anything but beautiful. Greg takes us back to medieval Britain, when football was a chaotic town-wide scramble played on Pancake Day, complete with hundreds of players, broken windows and absolutely no referee in sight.

Kings, chaos … and the rules of the game We meet monks who first wrote about the sport and kings who tried (and failed) to ban it. Then, in the 1800s, posh public-school students invented their own versions, and their many arguments eventually gave us both football and rugby.

Enter the gloriously named Ebenezer Cobb Morley, the man who helped create the Football Association and the rulebook that changed the game forever.

The women who made football their own Greg also features the brilliant women who played, led and loved football long before it was accepted. There’s Nettie Honeyball, who founded the British Ladies’ Football Club, and Lily Parr, the teenage superstar striker of the Dick, Kerr Ladies, famous for her unstoppable shot and trailblazing spirit.

Even when the FA banned women’s matches in 1921, these pioneers kept playing, paving the way for today’s Lionesses.

History meets hilarity With jokes, sketches and sound effects galore, from “Vatican VAR” to medieval mob matches, Greg Jenner and the Dead Funny History team bring the story of football roaring to life. It’s packed with fun facts, silly moments and quick-fire quizzes that make learning irresistible for children, families and football fans alike.

The perfect family listen If you’ve ever wondered how football began, why kings banned it, or how women’s teams made sporting history, this episode delivers a clever mix of comedy and education. Funny, factual and full of heart, Dead Funny History: The History of Football is history with extra time and plenty of laughs.

Host: Greg Jenner Writers: Jack Bernhardt, Gabby Hutchinson Crouch and Dr Emma Nagouse Performers: Mali Ann Rees and John Luke-Roberts Producer: Dr Emma Nagouse Associate Producer: Gabby Hutchinson Crouch Audio Producer: Emma Weatherill Script Consultant: Professor Jean Williams Production Coordinator: Liz Tuohy Production Manager: Jo Kyle Studio Managers: Keith Graham and Andrew Garratt Sound Designer: Peregrine Andrews

A BBC Studios Production

Transcript

Click on a timestamp to play from that location

0:00.0

BBC Sounds, Music, Radio, podcasts.

0:07.0

My Christmas Mix is pure 90s festive nostalgia.

0:11.1

You know, the Christmas songs you listen to on repeat.

0:14.0

Ho!

0:14.3

Ho! Ho! No, no, no.

0:17.5

I'm all about the big hitting Christmas anthems.

0:20.4

Come on, guys. What about those tunes that really slay? It's Christmas kitchen disco season, surely.

0:26.4

Give me hip-hip-christmas bangers every day. Those Christmas tracks that are straight out of Lapland.

0:30.9

Get all kinds of Christmassy. Just search Christmas music on BBC Sounds.

0:37.8

Hello, welcome to Dead Funny History.

0:40.7

I'm Greg Jenner, I'm a historian, and I want to tell you about something cool.

0:46.3

Football, my favourite.

0:48.8

We can trace ball games back thousands of years.

0:52.0

Even though modern football has only been going since around the 1850s, in medieval Europe

0:57.2

it was less like this and more like this.

1:05.4

Oh, my windmills!

1:08.4

Out my spine.

1:10.7

One of the earliest references to ball games in Britain is from the 9th century,

1:15.7

in a book called the Historia Britonum, which means the history of the Britons,

1:20.8

written, we think, by a Welsh monk called Nenius.

1:24.7

It describes boys playing ball. Hello and welcome to this coverage of a game

1:32.3

of ball that I can see going on outside of my monastic cell. It's one group of boys against another

...

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