You act like I haven't been doing this podcast. I know how to get rid of noises.

Ethan, there's a noise.

Oh, no.

Somebody come out.

I know.

What am I?

Welcome to The Crunch.

It is your boy, Ethan.

And I'm Patrick.

You find something funny about that?

Yeah.

Funny about that introduction?

Yeah, instead of clapping, you just ripped a big old burp right into the microphone.

All you need is a demarcation between the pre-show banter and the beginning of the show banter. That's all you need. Sometimes it's a clap. Sometimes it's a good old belcherino.

The important thing is that the audience didn't hear it. That's all that matters. So I just got to the

office. I was a little late today because I... The office. Isn't that that hit NBC sitcom?

No, you're thinking of Parks and Recreation.

Well, I got to the office late because I had a doctor's appointment.

Turns out it's not cancerous.

I have bumps on my shoulder.

Well, you do... Okay, you need to lead with something other than it's not cancer. Like, because nobody was preparing for it to be cancer. I wasn't either, but like, I went to the, I have bumps on my shoulder. Since when did you have bumps on your shoulder? I don't, okay, it turns out it's like advanced scarring. And I've had them for like years. I've had them since I was in high school. Scarring level two. And Phoebe saw them and she was like, you should go get those checked out. I'm like,

they're probably fine. Why was Phoebe looking at your shirtless body?

...