Here’s Why He Went Cold

Almost Adulting with Violet Benson

Violet Benson

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4.8 • 4.1K Ratings

🗓️ 27 November 2025

⏱️ 49 minutes

🔗️ Recording | iTunes | RSS

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Summary

The Real Reason Men Shut Down, Pull Away, and Go Blank.

Ever dated someone who was warm one minute… and emotionally shut down the next? In this week’s Benson Book Club, we break down Chapter 7 of The Untethered Soul - “Transcending the Tendency to Close.”

This chapter explains:

why people emotionally close off
why your ex suddenly went cold
the psychology behind emotional shutdown and avoidance
how to recognize when YOU close your heart
and how this pattern destroys connection

I also give you a step-by-step Law of Detachment routine for heartbreak that I did to get over bookman!! The exact script to record, what to listen to every night, and a clean way to detach from someone who can’t show up for you.

If you want to understand why someone pulled away… or you need help letting go fast… this episode gives you clarity, strategy, and the tools to move on.

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Transcript

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0:00.0	If you've been keeping track with my series of meeting my husband where I started dating this man that I went by Bookman.
0:09.8	And last week's episode was all about how we are no longer together.
0:14.6	Clearly, you felt my emotions or you can hear my emotions where I was struggling somewhat with letting him go. And like anyone that
0:23.0	goes to a breakup, a heartache, it always feels so painful at first. Even if you're the one that
0:29.3	did the dumping. And one of the quote unquote weirdest parts is that normally short relationships
0:35.3	sometimes tend to hurt or feel like they hurt way more than
0:40.0	long-term relationships. And the reason is because short-term relationship, you still haven't
0:45.3	fully gone to know the person and seen every single part of them. So you still have hope about
0:50.8	the relationship. You still have a fantasy of what it could have been. And the reason a lot of
0:55.0	times when you're in a long-term relationship and when you break up, you sometimes get over it
0:59.7	faster is because you've got to a point where you freaking hate that person. There is no hope in
1:06.3	that relationship. You knew should have ended three years ago. And that's the difference.
1:10.6	That's why a lot of
1:11.1	people, a lot of times people struggle with understanding, why I did I only date this person for a month?
1:15.9	And I'm mourning the relationship, the situation ship for four months. But I'm telling you,
1:21.2	it's because you're mourning the hope. You're mourning what it could have been. You're mourning
1:25.7	the fantasy that you created in your head.
1:28.1	So yes, I dated this man only for what, three months? Today, when I'm recording this, it's exactly three weeks of the breakup.
1:35.8	Now that I've had three weeks of a breakup with no contact to process everything, yes, I was super sad previously when I recorded the episode.
1:43.8	But I've had time to logically understand that. I've had the episode, but I've had time to logically understand
1:45.8	I've had time to cry, of how time to be angry, to laugh, to be hopeful, all that. And now I'm left
1:52.8	with the acceptance. So at the three-week mark, I'm feeling acceptance. At least that's my emotion
	...

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