Welcome to Nobody Told Me. I'm Jan Black. And I'm Laura Owens. It's a universally accepted truth that being a mother is both rewarding and enriching, but it's also

exhausting and stressful. A lot of women are desperately trying to give their all in hopes of

being the perfect mother, but in the process, they're feeling overwhelmed and hurting themselves

and their families. Our guest on this episode, Heather Chauvin, is the mother of three boys,

and her efforts to be the perfect mom

were turned upside down when she was diagnosed with stage four cancer seven years ago.

Since then, her life has changed as has her concept of motherhood. She's spoken about what

happened to her in a popular TEDx talk. She discusses it on her own podcast called Mom is in Control,

and she's written about it in the new book, Dying to Be a Good Mother, How I Drop the

Gilt and Took Control of My Parenting and My Life. Heather, thank you so much for coming on with us

today. Thank you. I love these conversations. You don't take this title lightly.

This really, really happened to you. You were dying to be a mother in general, not just a good one.

Tell us what inspired this title and your incredible story. I go right to the heart. That's no fluff or BS for me. Dying to be a good mother is about my story through stage four cancer, but also my journey as a mother. And I always say I was dying to be good, which is I see it everywhere in society with women at large, especially in the last

year that we've experienced the pandemic. And I was just not giving myself anything that it needed

physically, mentally, emotionally, spiritually. And it wound, I wound up in the hospital with

abdominal bloating and was told on the spot I had

cancer. And then, you know, through further inquiry, they told me it was a rapid growing stage

four and I had to act quick or I was literally going to die and I could no longer resist

putting myself on my own to-do list.

So what was your life like as a mom before the cancer diagnosis compared to now?

Yeah. So I have three boys and I was the typical, you know, go, go, go ambitious woman. I was in school and then I had a,

I actually remember writing an exam like a week after I gave birth to my second son and

...