Healthy Conflict: The Most Important Relationship Skill We Don’t Learn

Being Well with Forrest Hanson and Dr. Rick Hanson

Being Well

Education, Health & Fitness, Mental Health, Self-improvement

4.8 • 2.8K Ratings

🗓️ 8 June 2026

⏱️ 65 minutes

🔗️ Recording | iTunes | RSS

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Summary

Most of us are pretty bad at conflict, usually because we weren’t taught how to handle it well. But healthy conflict can be one of the best ways to deepen intimacy and trust. In this episode Dr. Rick and Forrest discuss why conflict is so difficult, the models of conflict we inherit from childhood, healthy repair, what emotional flooding does to the brain and body during a fight, and the research on what actually predicts relationship success. They close with a handful of things that get mistaken for repair but aren't, including submission, thin apologies, and just solving the surface problem. Key Topics: 0:00: Intro 3:19: Repair as the biggest predictor of relationship success 5:29: Models of conflict and where they originate from 16:08: What is healthy repair, and why is it so hard? 24:54: What to do about emotional flooding 30:25: When to let things go, and when to address them 38:36: What repair is and what it's not 46:47: The power of authentic apologies 57:04: Recap Support the Podcast: We're on Patreon! If you'd like to support the podcast, follow this link. SponsorsVisit Rula.com/BEINGWELL to find affordable, high-quality therapy that’s actually covered by insurance. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Transcript

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0:00.0	Hello and welcome to being well.
0:09.1	I'm Forrest Hanson.
0:10.1	If you're new to the show, thanks for joining us today.
0:12.5	And if you've listened to before, welcome back.
0:15.2	Every close relationship, whether it's with a romantic partner, a good friend, a family member, or somebody that you work with,
0:22.2	eventually is going to include some conflict.
0:25.4	And this is a big problem, because most of us are pretty allergic to conflict.
0:30.7	Conflict isn't the enemy of connection.
0:33.5	Unresolved conflict is.
0:35.4	When conflict is handled well, it can actually do something for our
0:39.5	relationships that nothing else can. It surfaces real differences between people, real needs,
0:44.9	real fears. And when we learn how to work through all of that, it actually deepens our relationships
0:50.2	over time. So today we're going to be talking about how to deal with conflict and particularly
0:54.4	how to repair. And I'm here today, as usual, with clinical psychologist Rick Hansen. So, Dad,
1:00.1	how are you doing today? I'm good. And as I was saying to you before we started, the topic of
1:05.0	repair in relationships is my favorite topic related to relationships, in part because it involves so many other
1:13.6	important themes.
1:14.8	And this is a really big one for just about everybody.
1:17.5	It's certainly been a big one for me in my life, figuring out and manage this inside of
1:22.4	different kinds of relationships.
1:23.7	And I'm sure that it's a lot of what walked in the door when you were doing more
1:27.7	couples counseling, dad, and working with families.
	...

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