5 • 643 Ratings
🗓️ 24 June 2021
⏱️ 49 minutes
🔗️ Recording | iTunes | RSS
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0:00.0 | Hey, everybody. Welcome to a very special bonus episode of The Virtual Couch. I'm your host, Tony Overbay, a licensed marriage and family therapist. And the very quick reason why you're seeing this bonus episode is it really did kind of come out of nowhere. And it's because I'm a couples therapist, a marriage therapist. And at any given time, I'm working with several couples or individuals who are |
0:21.5 | working through betrayal or the concepts of betrayal trauma or a recently discovered addiction or |
0:27.9 | infidelity, you know, acting out sexually outside of a marriage. But often when I get this new |
0:32.6 | couple or a new person and they come into my office and they open up about what they're going |
0:37.0 | through, they often feel so alone. You know, they feel... person and they come into my office and they open up about what they're going through. They, |
0:38.4 | um, they often feel so alone. You know, they feel broken. They feel ashamed. They feel embarrassed. |
0:43.8 | If it's the spouse, the, the, the betrayed, they can feel so angry and blindsided. And like their |
0:48.8 | entire world has been just ripped out and underneath their legs and they are trying to make sense of things. |
0:55.0 | Sometimes they go back and look through their entire marriage and they wonder if anything has |
0:59.4 | been true. |
1:00.5 | You know, they feel these intense feelings of shame or feeling like they are less than or, and |
1:05.3 | all these are such normal feelings and addictions that people are going through. |
1:08.8 | And on the side, excuse me, of the person that |
1:11.7 | is, we'll say for the betrayer, there really, excuse me, there has a deep need to try and control |
1:19.6 | the situation. I mean, psychologically speaking, that is something that we do a little bit as humans, |
1:24.9 | as we want to maintain control. We're so afraid that if we don't have control, that again, our entire world is going to fall apart. |
1:32.4 | And on that note, I mean, how does it feel when you're under somebody else's control and it doesn't feel good? |
1:38.8 | And this is the thing I talk about often, the concept of reactants where, you know, it's really the desire to do |
1:45.6 | the opposite of something that's been prescribed to us by others or something that we're told |
1:50.1 | that we're supposed to do or should do. |
1:51.7 | Again, nobody likes to be should on. |
1:53.1 | For example, if you attempt to control your spouse's diet, you might be met with an increased |
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