Whose Life Are You Really Living? A Deep Dive into Differentiation

The Virtual Couch

Tony Overbay LMFT

Education, Mental Health, Health & Fitness, Self-improvement

5 • 643 Ratings

🗓️ 22 June 2021

⏱️ 47 minutes

🔗️ Recording | iTunes | RSS

🧾️ Download transcript

Summary

Tony discusses the 4 Steps of Differentiation from the article "Psychological Differentiation" from https://www.psychalive.org/psychological-differentiation/ The 4 Steps are based on the work of Dr. Robert Firestone from his book "The Self-Under Siege: A Therapeutic Model for Differentiation (http://www.amazon.com/The-Self-Under-Siege-Differentiation/dp/0415520339/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1382557425&sr=8-1&keywords=The+Self+Under+Siege)," Visit http://tonyoverbay.com (http://tonyoverbay.com) to sign up for Tony's newsletter and to find out more about his programs for couples communication, parenting, pornography recovery and more. You can find Russ Harris' values worksheet here https://psychwire.com/harris/resources (https://psychwire.com/harris/resources) This episode of The Virtual Couch is sponsored by http://betterhelp.com/virtualcouch (http://betterhelp.com/virtualcouch) With the continuing “sheltering” rules that are spreading across the country PLEASE do not think that you can’t continue or begin therapy now. http://betterhelp.com/virtualcouch (http://betterhelp.com/virtualcouch) can put you quickly in touch with licensed mental health professionals who can meet through text, email, or videoconference often as soon as 24-48 hours. And if you use the link http://betterhelp.com/virtualcouch (http://betterhelp.com/virtualcouch) you will receive 10% off your first month of services. Please make your own mental health a priority, http://betterhelp.com/virtualcouch (http://betterhelp.com/virtualcouch)offers affordable counseling, and they even have sliding scale options if your budget is tight. Tony's FREE parenting course, “Tips For Parenting Positively Even In the Not So Positive Times” is available NOW. Just go to https://www.tonyoverbay.com/courses-2/ (https://www.tonyoverbay.com/courses-2/)and sign up today. This course will help you understand why it can be so difficult to communicate with and understand your children. You’ll learn how to keep your buttons hidden, how to genuinely give praise that will truly build inner wealth in your child, teen, or even in your adult children, and you’ll learn how to move from being “the punisher” to being someone your children will want to go to when they need help.Tony's new best-selling book "He's a Porn Addict...Now What? An Expert and a Former Addict Answer Your Questions" is now available on Kindle. https://amzn.to/38mauBoTony Overbay, is the co-author of "He's a Porn Addict...Now What? An Expert and a Former Addict Answer Your Questions" now available on Amazon https://amzn.to/33fk0U4 (https://amzn.to/33fk0U4). The book debuted in the number 1 spot in the Sexual Health Recovery category and remains there as the time of this record. The book has received numerous positive reviews from professionals in the mental health and recovery fields.You can learn more about Tony's pornography recovery program The Path Back by visiting http://pathbackrecovery.com (http://pathbackrecovery.com) And visit http://tonyoverbay.com (http://tonyoverbay.com) and sign up to receive updates on upcoming programs, and podcasts.Tony mentioned a product that he used to take out all of the "uh's" and "um's" that, in his words, "must be created by wizards and magic!" because it's that good! To learn more about Descript click here https://descript.com?lmref=v95myQ (https://descript.com?lmref=v95myQ)

Transcript

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0:00.0	Okay, so as I hit the record button on my podcast today, I can see a bracelet that my family gave me for Father's Day.
0:06.2	This was just a couple of days ago.
0:07.7	It's leather.
0:08.4	It loops around my wrist three times as four gold colored rings around the leather band, and each one has the names of my kids on the rings.
0:16.1	If you're watching this on the YouTube channel, I'm showing that right now.
0:19.6	And I love it.
0:20.5	And I've literally never worn
0:22.0	anything on my wrist other than a watch. And I've commented that I have really liked some of the
0:27.5	bracelets that my son and my son-in-law wear. But to me, they can pull them off. But I was thinking
0:35.0	about that. What does that even mean that they can pull them off? That
0:38.3	implies that I can't pull off wearing some sort of bracelet, but according to who? So do you ever
0:44.5	feel like you want to do something or wear something or say something, but you feel like you can't
0:49.3	do it or you shouldn't do it? Or if you did say or do whatever this thing is that you're thinking, that somebody
0:56.9	else wouldn't approve. And what if that person is your spouse, for example, how difficult can that be?
1:03.1	And if you're a guy, have you ever wanted to grow out your facial hair, but you've worried that
1:07.0	others wouldn't approve? Or I've had more than one woman in my office who has wanted
1:11.2	to purchase maybe stylish frames for their glasses or they wanted a particular hairstyle, only to
1:16.2	share with me that they haven't wanted to take that action because they worry about someone else's
1:21.2	approval. But when you really step back or if you truly take a look at your own life, are you living
1:27.4	the life that you feel is truly you?
1:29.5	And it might be easy to say that you don't really care about what other people think,
1:33.0	but if you're not really moving in the direction that you feel is who you are at your core,
	...

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