Haul Out the Holly

Mom Can't Cook! A DCOM Podcast

Luke Westaway & Andy Farrant

Tv & Film, Comedy

5.0 • 944 Ratings

🗓️ 22 December 2025

⏱️ 150 minutes

🔗️ Recording | iTunes | RSS

🧾️ Download transcript

Summary

After this year's Halloween special on Haul Out the Halloween, we realised that we'd already ruined the year, so why not do Haul Out the Holly for our Christmas show? It's not like it could get any worse.

Friends, how wrong we were. Haul Out the Holly is the first of three Haul Out movies, and this one shows us how Emily Melrose (Lacey Chabert) came to Evergreen Lane in the first place. How did she end up with a 2.6 million dollar house in suburban Utah? How did she become obssessed with the holidays? And how did she end up in a romantic relationship with Jared, a man who can only become aroused by HOA regulations? The answers may surprise you! Because they are sinister and insane.

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Thanks to Green Chef for making this episode possible. Make this fall your healthiest yet with Green Chef. Head to greenchef.com/50MOMCANTCOOK and use code 50MOMCANTCOOK to get fifty percent off your first month, then twenty percent off for two months with free shipping.

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Transcript

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0:00.0	I'm a fish boy who skates for team X-blades with a lepricorn who plays basketball.
0:09.0	Come to my smart house.
0:11.0	My alien sister don't come hungry because I'll bet my mom can't cook Hello and welcome to
0:24.8	Mom Can't Cook a Decom podcast
0:26.3	I'm one of your hosts, Luke Westaway
0:28.5	And I'm the other host, Andy Farron, hey, welcome to the podcast
0:31.4	Sorry, late Luke, I've been run ragged this week, you wouldn't believe
0:35.4	Yeah, you'll be pretty, pretty late getting to the start Yeah, yeah,, sorry, sorry. I was... It's about to fly off the handle. Yeah, well, I mean, it's this HOA. You remember we did the episode on Hall Out of the Halloween? Yes, that's right. And all of our listeners, you know, we have millions and millions of listeners. Everyone who listened to that thought that HOAs was a good idea and now HOAs have been adopted all over England. Yes, they have. It's really spread like wildfire. So, yeah, so, I mean, have you been having trouble with your HOA? Yeah, oh my God, such trouble. They've got really overbearing with the Christmas stuff. The president of the HOA, he's just sort of gone mad with power. He was asking me to put up lights on the outside of my house, so I was doing that. I had to get some gifts for the toy drive. There was a caroling event I had to go to. I had to make a bunch of mince pies from scratch. They've really been running me ragged. Oh, hang on. I just had another email. Oh, boy. From the president of the HOA. Was it going to be snowman tablo or something I expect?
1:28.9	Yeah, probably something like that.
1:30.2	He, oh, he wants us to find him a bride.
1:37.1	Oh.
1:37.4	She should be in fine health and pleasing to mine eye, it says.
1:43.0	Okay.
1:43.7	Has he written mine eye? Yes, written pleasing to mine eye, it says. Has he written mine eye?
1:45.3	Yes, written pleasing to mine eye, yes.
1:48.3	Okay.
1:49.0	She should be from one of the great Christmas HOA families to create a dynastic merging that her offspring, right?
1:55.9	Okay, I'm not reading this.
1:57.9	Okay.
1:59.1	Oh my God.
1:59.7	It seems I have to search Europe to discover a bride for him.
2:04.1	Andy, I have a confession.
	...

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