The really weird backstory about Florian Fortescue.

Well, what?

Hey, brother!

Start with what it's not, right?

And it's usually not Florian Fortescue, the history-obsessed ice cream dealer in Diagon Alley.

But today it is Florian Fortescue.

He finally has his moment in the ice cream melting sun. I'm gonna tell him.

Don't you dare.

So prepare yourselves for some stories about Goblin Rebellions or Witch Burnings or whatever he's talking about and some heaps of free ice cream.

Florian Forteskew himself, who, apart from knowing a great deal about medieval witch burnings, Harry free Sontes every half an hour.

Every half an hour?

Like, goodness gracious, Harry must be like the most lactose-tolerant human in existence.

Or maybe that's just the benefit of magical ice cream.

It's just like regular ice cream, minus all the, you know.

Very nice.

Thanks.

Anyway, Florian is an odd bird, to say the least.

We know he's the descendant of the former headmaster of Hogwarts, Dexter, forduskew.

And as mentioned, he runs an ice cream parlor in Diagon Alley, and as of Half Blood Prince, is ultimately abducted, only to just kind of never be heard from again.

And on the whole, no one probably closes out Deathly Hallows with that odd mixture of sadness

that the story is over in genuine confusion that the word sandwich is in the final line of the text.

Because in case you're wondering, it totally is.

...