Welcome to Nobody Told Me. I'm Jan Black. And I'm Laura Owens. The holidays are supposed to be a time of joy, but that may not be what you're experiencing if you're missing

someone who's passed away. Our guest on this episode is grief crisis consultant Harold Ivan

Smith, who's written many books on grief, including a Decembered grief, living with loss while

others are celebrating. Harold, thank you so much for joining us and trying to help our listeners

get through what may be a tough holiday season for them. Sure. And, you know, for some people,

it's almost like an anticipatory grief. There's been a diagnosis. There's been someone, the

remission has ended. So it's just like, will they be alive to Christmas or New Year's?

But for others, it's a sense of that surprise.

And I have often said in a split second, your ho, ho, ho can become an oh-oh-oh.

That quickly.

And I experienced that working in the funeral profession.

It's just suddenly those things change without our permission.

And tell us about how you came to be a grief specialist.

Really, when my grandfather died on Christmas Eve, when I was 11 years old.

And, you know, in those days in a rural Indiana where he lived, everything closed up.

So there was nothing open.

I just remember it was my mother's father, and she was just so overwhelmed by the loss.

And, you know, it's odd.

All I can remember the funeral home is that it's dark in my memory.

I can remember a lot of details, but it just, and, you know, you're 10 years old, 11 years

old, you're sitting there and your

presents are home and we didn't open presents that year. It was just like when you go back to

...