Welcome to the Judge John Hodgman podcast. I'm Bill of Jesse Thorn. This week,

habeas cropus. Allen brings the case against his wife,

tawny. Tawny has accumulated a lot of plants in their apartment. She says that

some of the plants need to have grow lights in order to thrive. Allen doesn't

like the lights. He'd rather have plants that don't need them. Who's right? Who's

wrong? Only one can decide. Please rise as Judge John Hodgman enters the

courtroom and presents an obscure cultural reference.

Enough of Femintson and of Darwin. I hope you will not be offended if I say that

what we think is not only not important, but that old men like us preparing to appear

before Capitol H. Him should even be ashamed that it is disgraceful and sinful to talk and think

about growing plants indoors with artificial lighting. Bill of Jesse Thorn, please

swear the litigants in. Allen and tawny, please rise and raise your right hands. Do you swear to

tell the truth, the whole truth, and nothing but the truth, so help you God or whatever? Absolutely.

Yes. Do you swear to abide by Judge John Hodgman's ruling, despite the fact that he has no

green thumb? Well, he has two green thumbs because his entire hands are green. Yep.

Judge Hodgman, I dip them in a bucket of paint. Allen and tawny, first of all, you may be seated

for an immediate summary judgment on your favorites. Can either of you name the piece of culture I

referenced when I entered the courtroom? Allen? Any guesses? Let me just read it again. I'm going to

read the correct quote this time. See if that makes any difference. Okay, I did make some adjustments

there. Enough of femenin and of Darwin. I hope you will not be offended if I say that what we think

about how species originated is not only not important, but that old men like us preparing to

have here before him, that's capital H. I. M. is and God or whatever, should even be ashamed that

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