I had an epiphany recently that for my entire life thus far I have been trying to grow up way too fast.

I felt this fire under my ass to grow up since I was in preschool. It started in preschool

with wanting to find a boyfriend. Okay, literally at three or four years old, I became obsessed with this idea of having a boyfriend

because I wanted to be like the adults that I admired and all of them were in relationships.

And so in preschool, I started having crushed of them were in relationships.

And so in preschool, I started having crushes on boys

and I wanted to be in a relationship.

Now that was pretty innocent and harmless.

In middle school and high school, it got a little bit more serious.

I still wanted to be in a relationship, but it was less because I admired the adults in my life

and it was more because my peers would think it was cool. To be mature was cool to my peers. I wanted to

find a boyfriend. I wanted to have my first kiss. I wanted to lose my virginity. I wanted to lose my virginity I wanted to do all these things that I knew deep down I wasn't ready for but I knew that my peers would praise me if I did.

I also tried to dress more mature

when I was in middle school and high school.

You know, I really wanted to buy short shorts.

I really wanted to buy short shorts. I really wanted to buy a bra, my first real bra. Why?

Because that's what all the cool mature people were wearing.

And why were they wearing that? Because they can. Their

parents aren't telling them what to do. And again, wearing more mature clothing

made my peers respect me more. In middle school and high school I wanted to party. I

wanted to drink alcohol even though it was so illegal. I wanted to randomly get with a

guy irresponsibly. I wanted to do the

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