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The Smartest Man in the World

Griffins

The Smartest Man in the World

Greg Proops

Comedy

4.62.5K Ratings

🗓️ 5 June 2017

⏱️ 86 minutes

🧾️ Download transcript

Summary

In the latest dispatch from the Fortress of Proopitude, Greg preaches on Pride Month, the Paris Climate Agreement, and Pasadena.

Transcript

Click on a timestamp to play from that location

0:00.0

Top.

0:19.9

For Edgar, I want to get to this quite a few of Prope sex επιg ИF

0:23.3

League sunglasses, confined.

0:25.3

Western Hollywood was the referent,

0:28.0

Salon, the Purpose of Frutitude located somewhere, or the Fortress of Pruppetude, if you wish, to be exact about a Diodone. I'm Lestexic, and I'm Dick Lexic.

0:37.0

I'm old enough to remember so many things like when Cove Fafi was a thing. Remember that? Remember last week when Cove Fafi was a thing, when Orange 45 got up in the middle of the night,

0:48.0

who loosened the air on that weird cocktail of Adderall Diet Coke and Chicken McNuggets that he's put up inside himself the other way.

0:55.0

And as he lays there in the bed with the devils jumping across the fence, I'm certain that's what he counts. He couldn't possibly count sheep.

1:01.0

As he watches the Taco Bowls jump over the fence and he counts them. The dreaming of Ivanka's rump. At that's the moment when he begins hallucinating, and that's the moment when Paul Manafort's face appears to him in a flaming pie with Steve Bannon on a tether.

1:16.0

And Steve Bannon murmurs the words to him, everything you do is right. Everything you do is good. Your fingers are like sea creatures. They're huge. No one can tame them. They'll be fought by giant squid, and they'll have to fight their way to the surface.

1:28.0

And that's when you'll explode like a sperm whale, and that's when he starts to text him. And that's when he starts to Twitter, and that's when he twats out his twatty twats.

1:37.0

And this one was called COV F-E-F-E. No fair guessing what he was trying to spell. Something that starts with the prefix co. And after that, it's up to you, baby.

1:48.0

I think coverage was a high contender on this one, but my guess is it doesn't really matter, because then he hilariously tweeted afterward, only a... Hey, only if you know what Kofi really means. Enjoy!

2:01.0

And that's when I think about the animation point. If there's one thing that I've been curtailed in in the last 115 days, it's the active enjoyment of anything that he does. All I see is an enormous Paris agreement defying Manatee, floating over the earth like in a pink Floyd concert.

2:19.0

And I'm hoping Roger Waters comes out and shoots him out of the sky with David Gilmore clapping alongside all in all these just another orange Manatee shaped like a ball.

2:30.0

Someone wrote me and asked me to quit fat shaming Trump because they were overweight and that I shouldn't fat shame people. I'm sorry about that. If it seems like fat shaming, it is, but it's only aimed at one person. All the other fat people are cool with me.

2:43.0

As I said in last week's episode, there's not one person in this cabinet who looks like they have a healthy vast deference and no one has had an unimpeded urination where the flow lasted more than 15 seconds in the last 17 years. And I include JK, that little fucking ambulatory preppy, Twimp, who wears his flat jacket over his blue blazer when he goes to Iraq to solve things when he's not dashing the opioid crisis to the ground or having secret meetings with people named Sergei. Like everyone seems to do so often these days because it's so goddamn popular.

3:12.0

So, Coffeefee travels on. I prefer my coffeefee. Well, kind of a chilote single origin coffeefee is the way I like to go for it. I don't like the store bought canned coffeefee. And I hate chickory in my coffeefee. I'll be honest, although I love chickory. I have no idea what chickory is, by the way.

3:31.0

I've been to New Orleans with Jennifer many times and we've often had coffee with chickory in it and beanye's. And a beanye is one of those death defying things like a cotlet or an applet.

3:41.0

For the people from the Northwest, you know what I'm talking about when I say an applet or a cotlet. If you're from elsewhere, perhaps Europe, you will know them as Turkish delight.

3:50.0

And what it is is it's a gelatinous candy and on top of it a thin white powder. And a beanye is a delicious baked good made out of deep fried lard.

3:58.0

And then on top of it they spread powdered sugar. So it's a dish, both of these dishes, the cotlet, the Turkish delight and the beanye.

...

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