Dear Sugar is supported by...

My Heart Too. He was 26 years old, kindhearted, and brilliant.

John and I dated for a little over a year, and we broke up six months ago.

I'm 24. He was my first real boyfriend, first love, and at this point in my life, my only love.

Our relationship was precious and special to both of us.

He always told me it was the best relationship he'd ever been in, which made it even more confusing when he very suddenly broke up with me.

He could never explain why he broke up with me. All he said was that he felt it was something he needed to do.

Our breakup was messy and complicated, and I was heartbroken.

We went back and forth for months, me begging him to change his mind, as briefly getting back together for a few weeks.

When finally after about four months of this torture, I was finally convinced by my therapist and friends that I needed to cut ties with him for good.

I know he knew that I still deeply loved him, and I had to cut off communication with him to move on.

But this is one point of torture for me in my grief. The regret I feel about the terms we were on when he died.

The second point of torture is more petty, and it makes me feel stupid to even care about it.

Less than a week after I cut off contact with John, he went to a conference in another city where he met a woman.

I know that communicated for a few weeks afterwards, and then she flew to the city where we lived to visit.

I found out about this because I saw them together, speculated, and inquired about her to our mutual friends.

The last time John and I talked six weeks ago, I asked him about her.

He told me that he had never been in a relationship with her. He also said their brief thing was over.

Still sugars, I'm insanely jealous of this woman.

After John died, she posted several pictures of the two of them together on Facebook, and commented on his page describing how his personality had been intoxicating to her.

She attended his funeral and was crying the whole time, leaning her head on the shoulders of the couple of friends who she had met that one weekend.

Logically, I know she has every right to be grieving his death too, and I'm sure that they had a strong connection for her to have flown out to visit him.

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