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Green Envy

You want to see somebody ugly?

said my grandfather.

Go look in the mirror.

Me?

I said, oh yeah.

You're green ugly with jealousy.

You should see yourself.

Well, it was difficult not to be envious.

I had a friend who'd become famous overnight.

In fact, I can't even tell you who he is because you'd recognize him, and then I'd turn all ugly again, and I just took a shower.

See, my friend started out as a rural boy like me. He wore boots, fed chickens, climbed trees,

and made slingshots from old cattle bones. And then, at age 12, he landed a roll on

television and skyrocketed to stardom. And when that happened, I became jealous, and thus,

...