Welcome back to the Look and Sound of Leadership, an ongoing series of executive coaching

tips designed to help you be perceived in the workplace the way you want to be perceived.

I'm Tom Henschel, your executive coach, and today we're talking

about gravitas. Shelley had no choice about being coached.

Her boss made it clear she was getting a coach and the coach was going to be me.

Often that dynamic makes for a very difficult beginning,

but Shelly was eager. She knew she

dug herself into a hole and she was hoping I'd help her climb out. At our first

meeting, she told me the same story I'd already heard from other sources. It went like this.

As Vice President of North American Services, Shelly led a large team.

She was fiercely loyal to them. Some said overly loyal. So she was

devastated when six months earlier Alan one of her direct reports went to HR and

complained about her. To make matters worse, Joyce, Shelley's HR person, delivered

the bad news with all the finesse of a wrecking ball. Joyce was emotional and she used the language of blame and shame. Not surprisingly

Shelly reacted with emotion of her own. Shouting and tears ensued.

During the following months,

Shelly was wildly off balance.

Some day she had called meetings with her team to probe for feedback.

Other days she'd corner colleagues in the cafeteria

and emotionally recount how she'd been victimized.

Her team and her peers began to avoid her, and not surprisingly, her performance, which had been

stellar, declined.

...