Hi, you're listening to Small Things Often from the Gottman Institute, where we talk you through research-based tips to help improve your relationships in five minutes or less.

Today's tip is about building a good enough relationship.

When you picture the perfect relationship in your head, you probably think it's just that.

Perfect.

But that's not realistic. That's not life. Every couple has

problems. It's not always sunshine and rainbows. That's why we encourage couples to strive for the

good enough relationship. Before we go any further, we need to clarify. It might sound like that's

another way of saying, settle for less than what you

deserve, or take what you can get. But that's not it at all. It doesn't mean you should settle for

being treated without respect. It doesn't mean that you shouldn't strive to continually grow in

your relationship. So what does it mean to be in a good enough relationship? It's a healthy and

respectful relationship, not a perfect one, since those don't really exist. So don't expect perfection.

But you and your partner should have high expectations for how you're treated. You both expect

to be treated with kindness, love, affection, and respect.

You don't and should not tolerate emotional or physical abuse.

You expect each other to be loyal.

But that doesn't mean you won't argue with your partner.

Even happily married couples argue.

Conflict is healthy because it leads to greater understanding.

Couples in good enough relationships aren't

afraid of conflict, and they can manage it constructively. They know things can and will get tough.

They have the tools to not only handle it, but even grow from it. That means arriving at a

...