Hi, this is Janet Landsbury. Welcome to Unruffled. Today I'm going to be responding to a parent

who is concerned that her partner is using a very stern tone with their child. And she

doesn't know how to communicate to him that this isn't helpful.

Here's the question I received. Hi Janet, I read your book this week and it has tremendously

helped me and my son. I spent the first 21 months of his life as a giant stress ball

as he suffered from reflux and I was in a constant state of worry that he was in pain.

After reading your book, I realized I was handcuffed by his emotions and I wasn't helping

by trying to keep him from his meltdowns all the time. I feel such relief and I see the

difference in my son already as he has played more contentedly and independently than ever

this week. And while he communicates his displeasure, he's able to move on quickly and

on his own most of the time. However, I desperately need help communicating this approach to my

husband who uses a stern tone to communicate limits with our son. I know he only wants

the best for him, but our marriage has suffered these two years as we've been under a lot

of stress, had major changes and were trying to navigate a crying baby. He told me he thinks

I don't respect his thoughts as a father and I feel that anyway I think of to approach

this subject will be seen as what he's doing wrong from his perspective. I know you must

be flooded with emails and I understand if you can't get back to me. I just feel such

relief now that I'm using your methods and I want the harmony I feel to resonate through

the three of us as a family and I have no idea how to make that happen now.

Okay, so first of all, I want to be very clear that I am not a relationship counselor. I don't

have a lot of experience helping parents communicate with each other. What I do have is many hours

of experience working as a consultant with parents and oftentimes I have both parents there either

...