Getting the Big Picture in Arguments, Honoring Personal Boundaries with Parents, and Creating the Life You Want

The Overwhelmed Brain

Paul Colaianni: Emotional Abuse and Relationship Expert

Mental Health, Education, Health & Fitness, Self-improvement

4.5 • 2K Ratings

🗓️ 1 November 2015

⏱️ 60 minutes

🔗️ Recording | iTunes | RSS

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Summary

Stepping out of the details so that you can see a bigger picture is one of the best ways to end an argument. When you "chunk up" into a broader perspective instead of staying "chunked down" and embroiled in the details, you're able to step out of all the negative emotional energy about the situation. For the Ask Paul segment, a listener who just graduated college wrote and asked about honoring his personal boundaries with his parents and how to get along with a family member who doesn't seem to like him. The final segment, "What's In The Box?" is where we talk about what it really means to "create the life you want"

Transcript

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0:00.0	Welcome to the Overwhelmed Brain, where you'll learn to make decisions that are right for you
0:06.4	so that you can create the life you want now.
0:09.2	Hello, this is Paul Kolyani, host of The overwhelmed brain, the personal growth show for the critical thinker.
0:16.0	All right, today's quote is by Thomas Huxley, and it's this.
0:20.0	It is not who is right, but what is right that is of importance.
0:26.0	There's a process in neurolinguistic programming called chunking,
0:31.0	and if you don't know what NLP is it's a study of communication and how the mind processes and trans codes information.
0:40.0	Chunking down is when you drill down into more specific examples of an idea.
0:46.0	And chunking up is when you find other more abstract concepts of that idea.
0:52.0	So if you pick any word or comment, more abstract concepts of that idea.
0:53.0	So if you pick any word or comment,
0:55.6	you can chunk up or down to learn more about your thoughts
1:01.0	about that word or comment.
1:03.2	It's kind of strange, so I'll give you some examples.
1:05.4	For one example, you could go, I bought a car.
1:08.9	Now, there's a lot left out of that comment.
1:12.3	So in order to find out more information you would chunk down on that comment. So you drill down, you chunk down or drill down into the details. So you can extract more information. So you might ask, what kind of
1:25.6	car is it? What color is it? How many doors does it have? What year is it? And so on.
1:37.0	Or you might want to find out why they got the car in the first place, which would be a more abstract or bigger picture view of things. This is when you chunk up and get the bigger picture.
1:46.2	You could ask questions like, what made you decide to get that car?
1:50.8	Why get a car instead of a motorcycle.
1:55.0	Did you already have a car?
	...

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