Welcome back to Petty Crimes, the only true crime comedy podcast that exclusively investigates

why we took such a long fucking hiatus.

We back, baby.

We back.

We're so happy.

We're so happy. We're still not talking about it.

But we're back and we're never going anywhere ever again. We promise. Ever until one of us dies. Exactly. We're back. We're better than ever. We have an update for our petty criminals, which is that we've found a new family and home.

Yes, we are now with heartbeat, which means the episodes are going to sound better than ever. They are going to look better than ever in the sense that for the very first time we'll have video episodes.

And video photo evidence. We are stepping it up. Thank you, heartbeat, for scaling us appropriately. We deserve this bigger house, I think.

And thank God for video, because what's the point of being a podcast host that's also a model if we can be seen?

Oh, yeah. I know. For two and a half years, I wasn't using the only skill I have, which is this baby.

Please.

I feel like this is going to be next level. Petty crimes is literally being taken to the next level.

And the crimes, most importantly, are better than ever.

Because our petty criminals know what we want.

And so the bigger we grow, the more people are listening, the more that you know what we want.

And we want petty and poop crimes.

Just petty.

No, just petty, just petty.

Got it.

We do have a poop crime on the horizon.

Without further ado, Griff, do you have a crime for us today?

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