What up my homies, welcome back for the second part of my incredible conversation with Cindy Trim that will have you in spell to never ever ever settle. No matter what age you are. Now Cindy is one freaking badass guys, she's not only a former senator and the author of Unstoppable and the 40 day so fast she is a remarkable woman who decided that settling for love that stifles her dreams was not going to happen. She had the strength and the ability to never freaking settle. Cindy's about to drop more wisdom bombs that you don't want to miss out on. It's your future guys, it's your happiness and your life literally hangs in the balance based on the decisions that you make. So let's not waste any more freaking time. I'm Lisa Biliw. Welcome to Women of Impact. I wish that we could like bottle that up and people could just like buy it at the ease because I spent eight years being a stay-at-home wife and I was miserable but I never told my husband. And it wasn't even something that he was like, no, I expect you to do it. And so once I spoke up and I was like, I love you so much, but I don't want to cook and clean for you anymore.

He was like, no, I expect you to do it. And so once I spoke up and I was like,

I love you so much, but I don't wanna cook and clean for you anymore. He was like, well, of course, he's like, if you wanna change and that makes you happy, what kind of husband would I be to prioritize clean underwear and food over my wife's happiness? And once I spoke out, I was like, oh, is that easy? Obviously it wasn't that easy, we had to do a transition

and make sure that we both like dancing together

because when one of you changes,

obviously you're both kind of changing. I was like, oh, is that easy? Obviously, it wasn't that easy. We had to do a transition and make sure that we both like dancing together,

because when one of you changes, obviously you're both kind of changing, making sure that you're changing together and not apart. But once I said it out loud, Cindy, that's why like I just love what you said, it became like, I just had to ask for what I wanted. And sometimes especially as women, If we've been brought up in a very traditional cultural background like for me, Greek orthodox,

there was so much pressure that, yeah, of course you been brought up in a very traditional cultural background, like for me, Greek orthodox,

there was so much pressure that, yeah, of course you're gonna be a wife and a mother. Like that's your goal in life. And so I never questioned it, which then taught me to never speak up. But by just to your point, just saying what you want can solve so many problems. And I love that you did that with your husband, And I assume you did that before you guys got married.

Wait before I got married.

We had a come to Jesus conversation.

Did you really? Yeah. Let's just talk about this. Let's just talk about this. So my husband, first wife, passed from cancer, unfortunately. So this was his second. And they had been together almost 40 years. So I'm, you know, this is a second marriage. So you can imagine 40 years with being with one type of woman, stay at home mom, cater to the family. She was not a career lady. You can imagine the kind of transition that he had. So one of my questions where, um, so what do you think your role as a husband is to me as your wife would be? And he said is to cultivate. And I said cultivate what? I have come fully assembled batteries included. What are you cultivating? And he had to change his paradigm because it worked back then, but it cannot work now. So we had to have that sort of come to Jesus as a more mature woman, as a leader, I'm a war leader. So what do you do with someone that's a stay at home? And then you transition with this woman that solves problems for life? That's what I do. I solve problems. So I'd never sit with my husband to try to figure out my personal problems. This is what I do for living. So it was a heavy transition for him, but it was also a heavy transition for me because now I have this marriage. And what do I do as this alpha woman? I'm an alpha woman. I consider you an alpha woman too. But I'm an alpha woman and an alpha man. What do you do? So you look at your differences. And it's the differences that make our relationship strong. It's not what's alike. It's what's different. And we're able to complement one another at the level of our differences. So I'm not trying to change him. He's not trying to change me, but I'm growing in the relationships. And I feel that with women who may be challenged in any area financially, emotionally, whatever area she's challenged in and her relationship in our marriage, I think the advice that I would give them, Lisa, would be to, number one, sit with yourself long enough to define who you are. And it doesn't matter who you are today. So even if you were married, say 10 years ago, and this is how you thought things should have been, but then you changed and you say, oh, you know, there are other options out here. And here's what I want. That is fine, but you Do you need to get around women who have walked the same path that you had to make that transition. So I hadn't been married. I was 60. I'm married now. I had to talk to my married friends. Like, what's it like? You know, what did you do? What frustrates you? We had that conversation. And I was able to say, I'm definitely not gonna do that. But I bought to the table for my married friends, a perspective that they never had. And they said to me, Cindy, I wish I had talked to you when I first got married. Because what you're telling me is the very thing that I needed back then. So being able to surround yourself with people that have been on a journey that you are embarking on is important, that's number one. Number two, who you listen to, because who controls your ears, controls your destiny. And so podcasts like this Lisa, having this one-on-one conversation is changing so many people's lives because now they have options, things they've never heard off. So surround yourself with people who are demonstrating what you want and who you want to be and where you're going. And even if you can't do it like a one-on-one like this, read someone's book. If you can't do it on a one-on-one like this, listen to someone's podcast. And that's where you will get the empowerment and the perspective that you need to change, to not compromise, and to show up owning your life, and then show up owning the space that you're in. Just own it. Because if you give the uniqueness of who you are with your perspectives, with your gifts, whatever it is, you inevitably make this world a better place. What the world needs is you. The pure you, not a representation of it. And that's why God created you exactly like you are. He created all of us in his image and after his likeness, this is my philosophy. He created all of us in his image after his likeness. He didn't make a mistake. And so the question I asked myself one day, what's wrong with God? Nothing. So what's wrong with you? Nothing. What's broken with God? Nothing. What's broken about you? Nothing. And once I owned that, then I started saying, okay, let's pull back the layers, people's expectations, people's, pull back those layers and connect with your authentic self. Because when you collide with her, you collide with God. Cell is the highest expression of divine genius and intelligence given in person form, and that's you, and that's me. That's so beautiful. Have you ever had moments of feeling broken? Yes, I've been deeply broken. Do you mind talking about that? Sure. My father, the day that he lied and I was left at that bust up, it broke me to the core. I'm not a crybaby, so I don't cry a whole lot. But it broke me to the core. in the brokenness, that's where the real Cindy was found. That crack just revealed something that was hidden. And I go back to Victor Wrinkle when he said, adversity is introducing a man to himself So that adverse circumstance introduced me to me. And I can go on. I remember one time I was on this board and I was outspoken. So I'm, I'm opinionated. I'm outspoken. I have an opinion about everything. And I felt like, oh, you're absolutely going in the wrong direction. And I just kept hammering. The point was going in the wrong direction. Yeah, the board and it was going to compromise the organization, the business. And so the chair was saying we should do so and so and I said absolutely not. We should not do that. It's only going to compromise the business. And so they decided to vote me off. So I got voted off of this board and it broke me to the core.

So I had this narrative, oh, they fired me on, this is what happened. And you know, these are evil people.

That was my narrative. Then when I change my narrative, that adversity is introducing a man to himself, this is Victor Frankl, quote, then I ask myself, well, which part of myself am I being introduced to? And it was the next best version of myself. So now I've reframed everything. Every crisis is a gift. Every problem is an opportunity. And every adverse circumstance is my most valuable teacher. And that's how I refraised it. So now if something happens, I'm never in victim. I'm always excited. Oh, good. Something great is going to happen. I'm going to be introduced to the next month very soon on myself. You should have paid attention yesterday, but now here is that knock on that door. Here is the tap on your shoulder and every last one of us will have a tap and it would show up as a problem, a crisis. It would show up as an adverse circumstance. So in any situation you can choose, I can think about Nelson Mandela coming out 27 years and he chooses to forgive. And the first thing that we need to do is to forgive people because they're doing they're doing the best they can and then forgive your. And to continuously say, I'm bigger than my last mistake. And better than my worst situation. I choose to believe that. And what version of myself am I being introduced to? That's a long way home. No, no, this is so spot on and this is so strong because I've developed this skill so I didn't have those exact words but I think it was Tony Robbins how do you make the worst day of your best day ever and so I literally in the moments now where I could be on my knees feeling broken with the tears. I'm like, how can this be the best thing? You know, and if you just keep repeating it to your point, that storytelling of how you perceive this moment can be detrimental to your future or actually super empowering to your future. And one of the worst things that ever happened to me, I was to my knees sobbing and I was like in real time, okay, how am I going to tell this story in a year?

I literally asked myself that as I'm sobbing, I was like, okay, you've got multiple options. In a year, you can look back and say, yeah, I was broken or in a year, you can look back and say, I was broken, but I got the F up. Yes. And I, what story do I want to choose? I want to be be the bad or so got out. It's like, okay, then get up. And so whether it's metaphorical or actually physically, if you're able to make that switch and I

don't think it's going to be easy. I think if people are listening for the first time of this idea it may take them a week. It may take them a month. It may take them a year. Two years. Here's the thing, feel the feelings. Let me explain. This is how I explain feelings so that people can understand. So you have a thorn, a thorn about a situation that circumstance, thought about yourself. In order to know that you're thinking, you have to have an emotion. An emotion is a biochemical, bioelectrical impulse that lets you know that you have this thorn. Thorns are always images, so you don't think in words, you think in pictures. And you can change the picture anytime you want, right? But just having an emotion is not good enough. You end up having a feeling. What is a feeling? A feeling is the interpretation of your emotions, which is an indication of your thought.

So what do you do to change your feeling? Change your thoughts. Change your thoughts.

That's it. So get out of your feelings and into your head. And I always say to people,

look, the sky is not the limit, your mind is. And once you remove self-imposed lids and limitations, we impose the lids and limitations on ourselves. How far can you go as far as you want? And one of the things people can change in your life, they can change your right to make a decision. You choose every single day. You choose how you feel. And you could change how you feel. You change where you go. You could do that. I don't like where I am. Where do you want to be? And just do one thing to date towards going there. I don't like, you know, maybe how much finances I have in the bank. How much do you want? I did this experiment with myself. I said to myself, I'm gonna make a million dollars in eight weeks. I make a million dollars in eight weeks. I just challenge myself. And, but I can't use anything that I have. I have to create it and then literally take it to the market. And I challenge myself, leads in limitation. So a strategy is a plan of action to get you from point A to point B without consideration of lack of limitation. That's what a strategy is. So a person may not have a skill problem. They may have a strategy problem. So I said, okay, the first thing I need is a strategy. So I'm thinking through, if you don't have a product, what's your strategy to make it? Then I said, okay, products become valuable. If there's a demand, the demand is based on a problem. What is a big problem that people have that I could solve? So never look at your problems as if it's something that is coming to destroy you. It's there to prosper you. So then I said, okay, let me just decide, okay, this is what I'm going to do. Eight weeks, I took an idea just at the one, turned it into a product through execution. See, a lot of people have great ideas and dreams and visions, but they never execute. What one thing can you do that can change everything? So I did that every day, eight weeks. And at the end of eight weeks, guess how much I made? Exactly. Listen, exactly a million dollars. Exactly, not one million and one, not one million and two, exactly. What if I had challenged myself at 10,000? Now, that's money. That's pocket aside. What if I had challenged myself physically or emotionally? What if I challenged myself in my relationships? I challenged myself in marriage. What if I can actually control the outcome? And this is what people call, say, I manifest it there. You did. How did you do it? Thought, emotions, feelings, actions. You executed. So people go by feelings and they make a decision. But what if there's a life hack? Let's bring it all

the way up to thought. And then your feelings are going to follow. So will your habits, so will your

actions. Think King does not require a degree. You don't have to go to school. You don't need a PhD.

It's a gift. You do it naturally. But what if you can harness the incredible power of thought? What if you could do that as a man think it then is hard? So we see, if you want to know what you've been thinking about your life, look at what's manifesting. Do not curse or resent or reject what has already manifested. Go back up and say, this is what I want. This is the image that I see. How do you see your life unfolding? Because how you see it unfolding will unfold. And what's not there for you? We'll never be here for you. Your feet will never take you where your mind has never been. So the hardest work in life is not changing anything out of here, is to change your mind. And any time you decide that you're going to change your mind, is when you'll change your life. This is whether it's in an abusive relationship, this is whether it's an addiction, this is whether it's poverty. Don't try to do things out of here. It will always evade you. People will always change. People will always do this. You know, the economy will always do this. Government will always do that. All of that is out of your control because you'll still be playing supporting actress. But when you decide, I'm going to be the lead actress in the emboldening of my life, it starts right here. The thoughts and that's the hardest thing to change. But the moment you do everything about your life will line up. Now, I didn't know if I should just stay silent or chair your, um, your go where your mind doesn't. Holy smokes. That really hit me. That really hit me. People need to write that quote and put it on their mirror on a poster and just read it every day. Because that is so freaking powerful. The analogy as well, just so beautiful. If you don't mind taking me through, so once you met your husband and you had this discussion,

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