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Church of Lazlo Podcasts

Friday, 11.7.25

Church of Lazlo Podcasts

Audacy

Comedy

4.91.7K Ratings

🗓️ 7 November 2025

⏱️ 104 minutes

🧾️ Download transcript

Summary

Lazlo tells a story of when he thought he had ALS, and thinks drinking water is like eating dry grits. The BEST omelet cook got kicked out of the army for being gay. You cannot be a victim if you have a huge penis. RIP Marshawn Kneeland. The guys talk about mental health, and take a caller. SlimFast talks about his volunteer work, which somehow turns into a herpes argument.. 5 years in jail, or your entire life in Russia? Lazlo places his sports bets, and wants Slim to SHUT UP! In Headlines, Lazlo and SlimFast talk about the Miami Heats’ Coaches’ house burning down, Trump plans on making Ozempic cheaper, Abby Z werner receiving $10 million, a pig that attacked a woman, and much much more! Stream The Church of Lazlo podcast on Apple Podcasts, Spotify, or wherever you get your podcasts!

Transcript

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0:00.0

The path of the righteous man is beset on all sides by the iniquities of the selfish and the tyranny of evil men.

0:11.0

Blessed is he who in the name of charity and goodwill shepherds the weak through the valley of darkness.

0:18.0

For he is truly his brother's keeper and finder of lost children.

0:23.6

And I will strike down upon thee with great vengeance and furious anger, those who attempt

0:31.1

to poison and destroy my brothers.

0:34.6

And you will know my name is the Lord when I lay my vengeance upon me.

0:42.0

Ladies and gentlemen, the Church of Laslow has begun.

0:47.6

Yo!

0:48.1

My man, how are you?

0:49.9

I'm great.

0:50.7

How are you?

0:51.2

I'm all right, no problems.

0:52.4

Good.

0:52.8

How's the back?

0:53.5

Oh, man. It's bad today. It's bad.

0:57.1

I'm sorry. I don't mean to laugh. It's just the way you look at it. Oh, man. Have you seen a doctor? I went to a doctor yesterday. Okay, good. Yeah. Which kind of doctor? Like a back doctor? look a god oh that's right you were going to go see your friend doctor your golf buddy yeah you love

1:10.6

him by the way i was like you know he knows I'm a hypochondract. He knows if you don't know. We'll tell the story again at some point. Or maybe even on the podcast this week. But I had a mental breakdown on the air. Yeah. Over the course of a long time. Took about six months. And had ALS couldn't move it was bad which is Lou Gehrig's I think people know what ALS is now at the time I felt like you know before the Ice Bucket Challenge I felt like people knew as Lou Gehrig's mostly but then the Ice Bucket Challenge happened and I was like oh oh, this is Laslo's thing. It was like they heard you, you know? All of a sudden, out of nowhere, we're doing fundraising. I remember just being so depressed and out of it. One of our producers, before summer, a nice lady named Meredith, I remember I was staring out the window, I turned

2:01.6

around, and she's just bawling. Yeah. And she's like, he's not okay. Yeah. Well, I'm like,

2:07.1

oh, no. You just stay there and stare out of the window. I mean, I knew there was something wrong

2:12.6

before that. You, it was like having a bad day, except that they were all bad days. You were very quiet. You seemed, it was very having a bad day except that they were all bad days you were very quiet you seemed

2:20.4

it was very hard to get you enthused about anything somebody said hey we just need like 10 ideas

2:25.7

real quick for this you're like I don't know and I was like man he's he's been like this so that

...

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