Hi! You're listening to Small Things Often from the Gottman Institute, where we talk you through

research-based tips to help improve your relationships in five minutes or less.

Today's tip is about the four things that make up successful relationships. Ah, the early days of love.

Remember? Every day was so new and exciting, and everything felt so

incredibly perfect that you thought the relationship would last forever without any effort at all.

But as you found out, building a life together takes work. It's about teamwork and positive intention. It's about taking

the lessons you've learned together through the years, and then using those lessons as the

foundation of your future together. But why do some relationships thrive while others don't?

What makes some relationships so successful? Well, grab a pen and take some notes,

because here's four things all happy couples have in common. First, happy couples are mindful to share

their fondness and admiration for each other. This is actually a friendship skill, which increases the amount

of affection and respect between the two of them. When expressing fondness, choose words that

express warmth and affection. Maybe say, I love the way you can make me laugh. Or, I'm blown

away by your creativity. Admiration, on the other hand,

is appreciation. You might say, I appreciate that you're so insightful. You really helped me think

through my issue at work. By intentionally putting a positive spin on your relationship and on each other's

character, your friendship and on each other's character.

Your friendship and love will deepen.

Next, couples and successful relationships tell their stories with the sense of weeness, rather than me-ness.

What does that mean?

Instead of focusing on their separate beliefs, values, goals, and dreams,

they choose to focus on what they share in common. And when they tell their stories, they use

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